Thursday, March 31, 2011

March Madness Indeed

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March has been a memorable month for our family. Finding out there's a large tumor inside of me that might be cancerous and then waiting 26 days to find out that it is cancerous was a real challenge. Now we're waiting for more tests and biopsies to determine whether it is plasmacytoma or multiple myeloma (both blood cancers).

It was strange to hear Faith pray tonight that I would have plasmacytoma. Multiple myeloma from what I gather is less fun between the two cancers. I've concluded earlier in the month that it's easier being the family member in need than it is for everyone else. Hearing that prayer, talking to my brothers (Andrew included) and my parents only solidified that conclusion. I'm so grateful that Myrtle is in baby bliss, unaware of it all.

Quickly I've learned that my high school biology classes 16 years ago haven't helped me understand anything about what is going on. The only thing plasma I knew of are in TV's and Star Trek episodes. Plasmacytoma? Even my spell check doesn't recognize it. Grasping that my blood is cancerous ...unfathomable. Currently I'm about as ignorant as one can be on plasmacytoma and its implications.

If I knew all of life's outcome I would have no faith, learn nothing or gain wisdom. I'm not quite yet grateful for having plasmacytoma, however I'm grateful, really grateful, for the focus I have on life and I that I get to find out what I am made of.

Some that know me, know my affinity for ice cream and my love for jalapeno chips. Those two vices got me through fifteen years of break-ups and disappointments. When I got THE CALL I knew there was not a chip bag or a tub of ice cream big enough that would bring real comfort or provide any solution.

Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food. 

Something had to change. Tuesday I met with a competent nutritionist and learned of a few tweaks and adjustments to help me be in optimal health for this new chapter in my life. Far as I'm concerned my road to recovery has begun.

Another important moment happened Tuesday. I walked in my bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and spontaneously said loudly "Ruban you are going to beat this!" After that I felt like I just did, the doctors just don't know it yet. The rest of the day it felt like I was carrying a secret bagging to be told, so I went to my Facebook profile and broadcasted how I now felt. It was so liberating to click on the "Share" button that I let out a very loud whoop accompanied with the classic fist pump. Poor Myrtle was so startled by it she almost cried. Faith ran into the room to see what was wrong. 
Have you ever ran or exercised until you hit that mental wall, thinking in near tears that you'll die if you keep going? Mentally that is how I feel (but with full blown tears), except the difference is that I will die if I don't keep going. 

Today someone thoughtfully dropped off a gift that now graces our living room and I want to share with you too.
Thank you E.H.!
Really, truly, with all my heart thank you for all the well wishes, good vibes and prayers! Smiles, hugs, handshakes are most welcome, but please just save the sorry's and sad faces for the cancer and not me. Capiche?


  1. Please tell me the nutritionist told you ice cream was good for you?!? It is a large staple of my diet and I can justify it until I am blue in the face!

  2. happy to know you are confident and optimistic for the future.....making lemonade out of lemons is a true principle of happiness.

  3. Making lemonade out of lemons is good, but making lemonade out of lemons AND sugar is even better

  4. It is said that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Thanks for mentioning chips and ice cream, that does not help my South Beach Diet ;)

    Great blog, Rube, keep up the fist pumping!