On Tuesday I will have a CT Scan and Thursday I will be having a bone scan. Shortly after that I will have the biopsy.
The past 48 hours has been a roller coaster of tears and laughter. Lots of hugs and kind words shared.
Five years ago my life long friend Russel was diagnosed with cancer while his wife Jenn was expecting their first child. I remember imagining what they might be thinking and feeling. Never did I think that I would call Russ because I was in a similar situation. I'm glad Russel answered his phone. He shared a lot, had a good sense of humour and I was able to ask of his experience was. We had talked about it before, but maybe this was the first time I really listened. Thank you Russel.
So what am I thinking?
Some things are not worth writing and you can guess easily.
However, I do feel very optimistic. Wednesday night I cried quite a bit. Thursday quite a bit less. Today no tears have dropped.
I don't know really how or why prayers work, but I have felt prayed for, felt comforted.
Moments after the THE CALL on Wednesday I felt extreme sorrow for every person I had ever crossed, anything I've done or said that wasn't right. Not quite a death bed repentance moment, but you can sure bet I said a prayer and made a few long deserving phone calls.
Actually, I have had a lot of good conversations lately (phone, email, text, bbm, Fb, face to face). I can almost understand why people have faked having cancer, knowing family and friends care is a good feeling. My brother posted this blogs link on his Fb with this comment "my brothers quest for more attention...follow his journey and give him the attention he craves!" The reason the conversations have been good is mainly because I love and care for those that have reached out. Having family that are friends and friends that are like family is encouraging and fuels my optimism.
I hope the the tumor is benign and that the purpose of this is blog is short lived.