tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63076710697927464732024-03-04T20:13:43.618-08:00It's a Hip TumorApparently my hip has a free loading tumor the size of a kiwi (the fruit, not a New Zealander) ...again.Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-80359316973526734632011-12-30T14:55:00.000-08:002011-12-30T14:57:56.072-08:00December 30th, 2011 (a day to remember)Last Friday our lil' family was in Port Alberni visiting Faith's side of the family. We had plans to leave on the Friday December 23rd, leaving around 2-3pm. I had a feeling to go earlier in the day, so we did. By the time we arrived in Ladysmith I got a call from my oncologist's office to get myself over to Victoria General Hospital to get a few blood tests done and a head-to-toe x-ray.<br />
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Also, I was to pick up a jug to collect my urine for 24 hrs (by the way, what a fun thing to bring with us to a Christmas Eve party at friends... not.)<br />
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I told the lady who called that I was up-island and wasn't sure if I would make it, she said said that I needed to rush because they close at 5pm, but not so fast that I don't make it.<br />
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While getting the head-to-toe x-ray it dawned on me that they were looking for more tumors. I shouldn't have been too surprised but I was.<br />
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We walked out of VicGen by 4:58pm. A miracle! There was no line ups, it was as if I was the only patient there.<br />
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The tests were requested because my CT Scan showed that the tumor had not been shrunk. My oncologist and her colleagues deliberated over this and concluded that the mass was one of three things, 1) active cancerous tumor, 2) dead cancer cells or 3) scar tissue.<br />
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Since there is too much bone loss, a biopsy would be too invasive, even though we would know for certain.<br />
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I'll be meeting with an orthopedics surgeon on January 11th to go over the options of having my hip heal. It may mean nothing to be done, maybe a bolt or two for the fracture or a hip replacement.<br />
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Today Dr. Wai called with the tests results and she said that from comparing my the tests I had previously in March to the ones I had last Friday, that she and her colleagues concluded that my blood is overall healthy and shows NO SIGNS OF ACTIVE CANCER. That my friends means my cancer is in remission!<br />
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Faith was there with me and we listened together this fantastic news. After the call we hugged, wept and prayed giving thanks. Thank you so very much for those who have given support, kind comments and prayed for us. Those very prayers have been answered.<br />
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My sperm, was also tested last week as well and it would appear that Myrtle will be the only star of our family for years to come. We love Myrtle, LOVE her! And if we're lucky enough to be parents, we couldn't have had a better blessing than her. Myrtle is the best.<br />
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After Faith and I emptied our tears I then called my parents, my brothers and my mother-in-law. Right now we are in Calgary visiting Andrew and Ashley, so when the calls were done we then went and told them. Lots of hugs and tears of joy.<br />
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It's unlikely I'll blog in this blog again. Maybe some updates, maybe not.<br />
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In short I have learned much this past year. I know, really know God lives, He hears and answers our sincere prayers. My patience has increased, my love for all and myself has increased and I pray that it would continue to.<br />
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Not once in this past year have I worried that a shortened life would lead to less time to flip through the channels, read tabloids, work more hours, or keep up with the Jones'.<br />
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Life is too short to hold grudges, to not smile at another and say Hello and listen to the answer.<br />
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Nothing is more important then family and some quality friendships.<br />
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Thank you for reading.<br />
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For those that decided pray for my family and I thank you, with tears of gratitude I write and sincerely thank you. Whether you prayed or not, you now know they can get answered and I am forever grateful they can and that they have.<br />
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Again, thank you!<br />
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<br />Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-25220924362200807572011-12-15T12:09:00.000-08:002011-12-15T13:11:19.328-08:00They Say 'No New Is Good News'Now when I talk to my doctor I quickly take notes afterwards, so not miss anything. Checking my voicemail today I found out I missed a call from my oncologist:<br />
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Dr. Wai is away, while she's gone an orthopedic doctor will be determining whether or not I require surgery on my fractured or broken hip - something I would like to avoid.<br />
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More waiting, but at least this waiting means that no news is good news.<br />
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There is some pain, though not so much I think surgery would be needed. My family doctor called today to go over what I pretty much already knew and to say that he too would be gone for a few weeks. Also, that I might want to stay away from straining my hip. <span style="font-size: x-small;">*Mental note, cancel Jazzercize membership.</span><br />
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I've slowly learned there is no quick fix, magic cure or Santa Claus that will give what I want. Though I have heard the words "managing the cancer" before, it's beginning to sink in that's exactly what I will be doing until it or me is gone.<br />
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My brother Jason (J) has Type 1 Diabetes, it's something he has managed for over half his life. I don't think of him as a diabetic, he's just J - my brother. It's not what defines him. So I'll take my cue from J, manage my cancer by overall healthy living and dealing with it when needs be. Other then that, I Ruban (Rube), like J has, will continue on with my life.<br />
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How I am doing IS different than how my body is. Sure we're connected, my body and I, but it does not define me any more than my clothes do.<br />
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J might die a "premature" death because of diabetes, likewise I might too from cancer. Premature was put in quotations for two reasons 1) Modern medicine saved J's life and will prolong mine, if nature took its course <i>that</i> would make our deaths premature. And 2) When your times up, your times up - no matter what your plans are He might have better plans.<br />
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<i>(If my nephews or nieces are reading this we'll live for at least thousand years more.)</i></div>
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Thank you for all the prayers, support and love. Really, <b>thank you</b>.<br />
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I'll keep this blog updated when ever there's something to update, but really I wish there was no cancer to write about. Like my doctors I too will take a break from my cancer.<br />
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Otherwise I'll continue to write in my much less popular blog about this and that <a href="http://rubanrebalkin.blogspot.com/">rubanrebalkin.blogspot.com</a> or in my even much, much, very much less popular blog about my literal dreams I happen to remember <a href="http://youwereinmydreamlastnight.blogspot.com/">youwereinmydreamlastnight.blogspot.com</a>.<br />
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<span id="goog_1797450665"></span><span id="goog_1797450666"></span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-20506686119058745362011-12-13T15:52:00.000-08:002011-12-13T15:52:25.850-08:00Kiwi vs. Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr. Wai, my radiation oncologist called and here's the update on the plasmacytoma cancer the size of a kiwi:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My blood tests overall came back as normal. That's a good thing.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However it shows that currently I am anaemic (low red blood cells), since I have a vague understanding of it I went on Wikipedia. Some the symptoms I can really relate to are: <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">Most commonly, people with anemia report non-specific symptoms of a feeling of weakness, or <b>fatigue</b>, general </span>malaise<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"> and sometimes <b>poor concentration</b>. They may also report </span>dyspnea<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"> (shortness of breath) on exertion.</span></i> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another concern was my low white cell count. From the Mayo Clinic web site I learned this <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><i>A low white blood cell count, or leukopenia, is a decrease in disease-fighting cells (leukocytes) circulating in your blood. </i>So this means my immune system is currently down and I am to avoid the flu like the plague. If you don't want to invite me to your Christmas party just invite when coughing, that I'm not left out and won't come. It'll be a Win/Win.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">The kiwi sized mass is still there. The quickest way to learn about it would be via a bone biopsy. Dr. Wai feels this actually would not be in my body's best interest, as it is <i>very</i> invasive. I have also a lot of bone loss and what appears to be a broken hip or a fracture. Her colleague who specializes in the pelvis region will be looking at my CT Scan tomorrow an will be weighing in on the next step along with all of their colleagues this week. Next week, by December 23rd Dr. Wai will call me with a game plan. More than likely, if their isn't a major break where surgery is required, she said I will get another CT Scan in 4-6 months and hang tight till then.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Fortunately</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> there is life to be lived while waiting. Myrtle has the best attitude life, sure she is unaware of the a few details, but she wakes up smiling happy for another day and at the end of the day disappointed it's over. Like her I've mastered the art of delaying bedtime, now I just need to master waking up.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">On another note there seems to be a hot debate that is sweeping interwebs, to eat the kiwi or to not eat the kiwi.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Discuss.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-71622133842349115832011-12-13T10:52:00.000-08:002011-12-13T16:14:17.708-08:00How To Have Cancer and Talk To People<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm that guy to write it, ...well at least a guy who could plagiarize heavily the <a href="http://www.salon.com/2011/12/13/how_to_talk_to_someone_with_cancer/">original format</a> and twist it to suit my opinion.</span></div>
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<h1 style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: FranklinGothicFSMediumCondens, Georgia, 'Droid Serif', 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 3.5em; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.04em; line-height: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 13em;">
<a href="http://www.salon.com/topic/cancer/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Cancer</span></a></h1>
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<h2 class="entry-title headline lg" data-href="/2011/12/13/how_to_talk_to_someone_with_cancer/singleton" data-rel="bookmark" data-title="How to talk to someone with cancer" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, 'Droid Sans', Arial, Verdana, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 0.3em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="http://www.salon.com/2011/12/13/how_to_talk_to_someone_with_cancer/singleton" rel="bookmark" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" title="How to talk to someone with cancer"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">How to talk to someone without cancer</span></a></h2>
<div class="post-body clearfix writer_mary_elizabeth_williams" id="story_10315881" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 3em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 29px;">As the holidays approach, here's what your friends without cancer need to hear -- and now you have some ideas of what to say</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christmas time and New Years can be a social minefield of joy. It’s great that in the last two weeks of the year, all the triumph's of the past 12 months get together for one last hurrah. Now, add your diagnosis of cancer to the mix. How do you interact with everyone else — not just over the eggnog at that caroling party, but from here on in? What do you say that’s genuinely helpful when the whole situation is freaking them out?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">I know that it’s hard for you too; I really do. In addition to dealing with my plasmacytoma </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">diagnosis</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;"> this spring, that so far has been unsuccessfully treated, I have in the past year watched as three of my blog readers get cancer and the guy who is peer pressuring me beyond the grave to get an iPad 2, Steve Jobs, of couse died. It<i> can</i> be a picnic loving someone when your life on the line. Because you’re not helpless. And if you’re wringing your hands wondering how to handle yourself, Cancer Man is here to offer a few simple guidelines. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;"> When in doubt about how to behave, stick to the basic rule of thumb that it’s about you AND them. Let me expand.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">Honesty is a wonderfully powerful way to be. If you are lucky you'll have good </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">acquaintances</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">, true friends and family who care and because they don't want to lose you they will be scared. Let them know you love them, that you will do all you can do enjoy your time with them. Hear out their fears and if they're up for it they'll hear out yours. Everyone's in a different head space, because of that I've learned (and am still learning) the hard way to never judge people. Just as they aren't walking in your shoes, you're not walking theirs. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">Hospitals can be a wonderful place. I will always, always remember my baby girl, Myrtle being born in the one I get my CT Scans. Faith </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">invariably says each time we're there "Can you believe Myrtle was born here just ___ months ago?" </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another fond memory was being relieved that when I was 10 years old my older brother Jason, who was knocking on heaven's door was brought back to health for being treated for juvenile diabetes. At the other hospital in town I'm often reminded that is where I spent some of my most sacred time with family as my grandfather passed. Hallowed ground indeed. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You'll make new memories at your hospital, bring family and friends when you can, and while you are there be a friend to staff and other patients. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It doesn’t take big gestures. I've learnt from Myrtle, a smile goes a long way. A lot of people won't want to step on your toes, just as you weren't prepared for cancer, they weren't either, so take it easy on them by cutting them slack.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">If you think this is a good moment to crawl out of the woodwork to say sorry or express a few positive things you wish you’d said after a long ago family falling out, it is! One day will be too late, life is way, way, too short to hold a grudge or put off actually saying "I love you." Even if it's to my older, huge, bearded, bear of size brothers who might look </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">intimidating but are really the best friends anyone could hope for.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;"> Or even my youngest brother who can't grow a beard yet.</span></span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 4: Remember people care and might wonder like you have, "Why?".</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like you, others might wonder what caused this cancer, because of course there was a cause. That's the gazillion dollar question, right? Who can blame anyone for asking. If you had a habit of huffing asbesto dust and you got lung cancer, say "I reckon the 'besto got me." Other then that, "Heaven knows, but while I'm here I might never know. The important thing is I have a game plan (or about to get one) so heaven can wait a little longer."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Own it, don't pwn it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">I was worried people would feel awkward, that my treatment, it's side effects would </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">inconvenience them on some level. Now, I own it. I just say this is what I'm doing and remember that people ask mainly because they care. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who cares if people ask to be gossipy? Own it!</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's empowering to be open, shed fear and if you sense they are uncomfortable, use the Golden Rule and provide a little comfort - isn't that what you would want?</span></span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 6: Be hasty with the best-case scenarios.</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People without cancer appreciate your positivity and encouragement. If you die being wrong about getting better, don't worry they'll forgive you at some point. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not about being hasty only to others, be hastily optimistic to your self too. I don't mean to lie per se, but enjoy the day, embrace the days your alive.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">For example my best case long term </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">scenario</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;"> is that with Faith, I get to raise Myrtle into adulthood. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">Best case short term? This blog has less </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">grammatical</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;"> errors then yesterday, I enjoy a healthy lunch and have a wonderful evening with Faith and Myrtle when they come home. In the meantime I eagerly await a call from my oncologist with a game plan. </span></span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 7: On the other hand, don’t be a downer.</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Statistics are helpful but they don't define you anymore than your height does. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cried last night, but I laughed too. </span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 8: Patrick Swayze's cancer is not your cancer.</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why on earth would your family and friends be experts on your cancer and treatment? They all wouldn't be, so relax and be thankful many people care enough to ask you what's going on. Their only frame of reference might be Patrick Swayze's cancer. I certainly wasn't an expert beforehand and don't expect others to be either.</span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 9: Be useful.</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't wait around for people to serve you, if you can serve others and yourself, do it.</span></div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rule 10: And this is the most crucial – be guided by the person’s cues.</span></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you may be painfully aware, not everyone knows what to say or how to act. I can't count how many people who have said something like "I didn't want to bombarde with cancer talk." Granted they might have said that because I may have complained about being bombarded in a previous blog. Now I don't mind, bombs away!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">Just as a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 31px;">pregnancy </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 1.5em;">is welcomed news, bringing life's greatest joy - LIFE! - a diagnosis of cancer is on the other end of the spectrum. People want you around and the thought of losing you is a compliment to how awesome you are. So thank them for their concern and be grateful they liked you before it was cool.</span></span></div>
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</div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-80118799260686813382011-12-12T17:11:00.000-08:002011-12-12T17:12:53.461-08:00Bah Hum Blog<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>PART I</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago my oncologists office called for me to come in, I had about a twenty minute window. Recently I just had an x-ray done, so I was a tad worried it was related to that. Long story short they forgot to tell me I had an appointment. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was a check-up and an opportunity for Dr. Wai begin my testing to see how the radiation treatment faired. After she was done poking and prodding me as far as her fingers could reach I went to give a blood sample.</span> </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTtE4vyD0jT4KeivHWoqky5mQrwNTNh2GeIQsICMqsCX5BZjFqeaEJ_iHEn5LKtqzVqW_0ncrvli1YHlkJDRH33BHs_BCqr_rG9NvkmCZ6wSNMDnsGiHa-rulLo5lZIu8WrpadC7fcLxk/s1600/Saanich-20111123-01286.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTtE4vyD0jT4KeivHWoqky5mQrwNTNh2GeIQsICMqsCX5BZjFqeaEJ_iHEn5LKtqzVqW_0ncrvli1YHlkJDRH33BHs_BCqr_rG9NvkmCZ6wSNMDnsGiHa-rulLo5lZIu8WrpadC7fcLxk/s320/Saanich-20111123-01286.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One week ago Faith and Myrtle joined me as I had my last test, a CT Scan. Having them there provided so much comfort. Myrtle was very cheery and was angelic as she smiled and waved at staff and patients. </span> </div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiemL-XLW4nKNCRBKrYFdKD9_-gpOoU8vjFhYnF9A_PWKH9jwr-WudmyDq7mSqkB7g7w46Lnviuqtkox2NQdpXZJ4e0hd0TN9bt1pAS0EQHX7qPZO17VD047r6WRChRunhecuEYCJl_G6Yh/s1600/PC050281.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiemL-XLW4nKNCRBKrYFdKD9_-gpOoU8vjFhYnF9A_PWKH9jwr-WudmyDq7mSqkB7g7w46Lnviuqtkox2NQdpXZJ4e0hd0TN9bt1pAS0EQHX7qPZO17VD047r6WRChRunhecuEYCJl_G6Yh/s320/PC050281.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Just Dad has the goofy smile.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Myrtle's, Faith's and my life is hinged to great deal on the results. Having me think of anything else is like having a kid study on Christmas Eve, the anticipation is just too great. I'm just hoping I don't find coal in my stocking. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Faith and I have shed so many tears this year, but this week especially. We're not so much worried as we are just feeling the gravity of our situation. </span></div>
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All week I wish I was stronger somehow, more prepared emotionally to find out if I have a chance to beat a 3-5 year life expectancy. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think I can grasp why the divorce rate is higher with a spouse with cancer or a terminal illness (Just ask Newt Gingrich's ex-wife). However, if a couple is on the same page their challenges can bring the best out in each other. Faith has easily risen to the challenges this year. Because of Faith stepping up to it all Myrtle and I are in better company today and sometimes I'd like to think they are too with me. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps every weakness in ourselves and our marriage has been exposed this past year (which has been a very good thing). Our core values have shifted tremendously as we've shed the unwanted pounds of worldly fat. Things like keeping up with the Jones' ...or worse yet, the Kardashian's. Really anything that doesn't unify us as a family we're not interested in. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not that I don't n̶e̶e̶d̶ want an iPad2 this Christmas, I just want 70 more Christmases much more. I'm holding out for the iPad70. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I called my oncologist this morning and she's in clinic until the afternoon, then my call was directed to a nurse who could answer my question. Of course the nurse wasn't there and I left a message with someone. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>PART II</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wow.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Long story short my results are back and that tumor is still there - same kiwi size and all. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do not know what the future holds. I do not know the treatment. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do know Myrtle is telling me "Off!" to get up and play with her. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My sister-in-law Colleen who made me that fantastic quilt for me (click here to see <a href="http://ahiptumor.blogspot.com/2011/05/soldiering-on.html">http://ahiptumor.blogspot.com/2011/05/soldiering-on.html</a>) is doing something else, <a href="http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR?px=2857009&fr_id=1413&pg=personal">http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR?px=2857009&fr_id=1413&pg=personal</a>, if it's something that interests you, please support the the cause. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A prayer would be nice too.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Onward and upward.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-68982018491074924902011-06-21T19:49:00.000-07:002011-06-21T19:49:12.952-07:00That's All Folks!<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Recently my mother called to say hello. She asked "How are you?" I said I was good. "Really, how are you?" I assured her I was fine. She then said jokingly something about "Liar, liar, pants on fire." </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wasn't lying per se. Physically my body is in pain, me though I'm okay/fine/good and soon my body will catch up to my mind.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Today was my nineteenth radiation appointment out of twenty. I met with the oncologist for the last time for about a month or two. In about six weeks </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">my hip should be all healed up and me off the crutches. I'll be getting more CT scans, blood tests and whatever other fluids they see fit to test. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">THE CALL came</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> about four months ago. A</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">tumor the size of a kiwi was found on my hip. Later we learned I had </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">plasmacytoma, a cancer. There is no numbered "cancer stage" for it, just something you have or don't have and some tumors are bigger then others. My oncologist said it was possible it was there for five years more or less. Of course there is no way of really knowing. </span></span></div><div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">For days and weeks after THE CALL my head was spinning. At times I just wanted to die and wanted to live to be 103; run away or never leave my room, scream, be silent; wished that </span><b style="line-height: 18px;">no one</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> knew, yet </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I wanted to talk to EVERYONE about it; p</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">rayed, wondered what the point of prayer was. When I watched TV I wanted to be literally absorbed into the screen and get to say witty one liners at the right time, then </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">after watching I would</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> vow to never watch TV again. </span></span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Within 48 hrs I wasn't interested in going over all the details anymore to whomever called. I was glad people cared, however to no fault of anyone, it simply withdrew more energy than it gave. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Those thoughts and more would swoop through my mind in a nano-second or two. It was exhausting. Just thinking about that whirlwind now is too stressful to relive. </span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">A day or two after THE CALL I was mid conversation with a friend, I said "I'll blog about the details and send you the link." It made sense to blog about my doctor appointments to keep my family and friends in the loop if they wanted to be. Several conversations I have had with some of my family and friends clearly indicates they don't read the blog - so whoever you are I'm glad you have read and shared this journey with me. Expressing what I was feeling about my appointments and new life, made the surreal real and was the most therapeutic thing I did.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
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<div style="line-height: normal;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Being diagnosed with a very </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">rare form of cancer that mainly senior citizens get (two out of three who are black) struck me odd</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">. For those that don't notice things like age or race I'm only 33 years old and white. </span></span></div></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div><div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">For the past months I've been wondering what went wrong. The easiest answer is bad things just happen. Though it's true that bad things happen my gut said there might be more to the story. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I've never been a drinker, smoker or drug user and w</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">hether I did or not, it seemed like I ate healthier than the average person. In short, I believe that my diet wasn't helping me.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">With all the medical tests I got, one of the things found out was that I was getting adult-onset diabetes (Type 2). That's news worthy in itself, but I never brought it up because it pails in comparison to cancer and there was no need to worry more people (Mom and Dad). I already have </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">non-alcoholic fatty liver disease </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">(<em style="font-style: normal;">NAFLD</em>)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> and hypothyroidism for people to worry about (Mom and Dad). </span></span></div></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Instinctually after THE CALL I cut back on junk food and within a month I lost a few pounds. Then I saw a nutritionalist and adjusted what I ate some more and lost a few more pounds. </span></span></div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Type 2 Diabetes is usually for 45 years and older. If your reading comprehension is low or memory is short: I'M ONLY 33 YEARS OLD! </span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I have only one body and this one body I have needs to take care of the only family I have. There's plenty of theories of why people get cancer, but <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Type 2 diabetes is due to a combination of lifestyle and genetic factors. I can't change my genetics, but I can change what goes in my pie hole.</span> Dieting has never worked for me, hence getting adult-onset diabetes at 33, so I have made a switch to less processed foods, more raw and organic - that's it.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">My 30 pound weight loss is from my change of diet, not from getting cancer. I have only lost my lunch once during the radiation and that was about 4 weeks ago. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Food is just one thing that has changed since THE CALL. My value system has been refined some and I truly look at the world differently. I have questioned and reevaluated every aspect I am aware of about my life, from my address, faith, family, friends, entertainment, money, education, the roles I have in peoples lives and theirs in my own life. Simply, how I think just is not the same. Thank goodness. There are certainly things I have changed and things that I am improving.</span></span></div></div><br />
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</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After today's appointment we went to a beach, I sat down and Myrtle walked everywhere. She picked up rocks, a small dead crab and dried seaweed. The scenery was picture perfect and the weather even better. These are the moments I am living for.</span></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXFz0FGIF6Npv34xi5oWAf2aAeXH3TPRm9OiJyWBduT64RObaWsA3xnQsUzr9CStcP4P92W1zlhfxYR6RXg_40yR1V_hGDLGoD7xmGLNzeUqWnPT-K-1FOrkCgd8ypU-w1Hq5HczBQZE/s1600/Saanich-20110621-00428.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXFz0FGIF6Npv34xi5oWAf2aAeXH3TPRm9OiJyWBduT64RObaWsA3xnQsUzr9CStcP4P92W1zlhfxYR6RXg_40yR1V_hGDLGoD7xmGLNzeUqWnPT-K-1FOrkCgd8ypU-w1Hq5HczBQZE/s320/Saanich-20110621-00428.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myrtle, first day of summer 2011</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today is the first day of summer and tomorrow is my last radiation appointment. This to me is an end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one and I want my life to reflect that. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">As of now I'm not interested in writing about my tumor, no matter how hip it is. My head is no longer spinning, I don't quite feel so confused or like my life is up in the air. In fact I feel more grounded now than I did pre-diagnosis. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">There are boundless things I want to write and talk about, but I will keep that between my journal, family and maybe friends.</span></span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">For the record I know that prayer has worked miracles in more ways then I can express. Thank you for those that have prayed on my and my family's behalf. In return I have prayed every single day for those that are praying for me, that their burdens may be lifted and know that they are loved. Still, I don't understand the mechanics of prayer, meaning how it works, just that praying has helped my family and I. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Thank you Mom for teaching me how to pray.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Thank you for reading, thank you for caring. For old times sake perhaps one more prayer for Myrtle's dad.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Lots of love, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Ruban</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Feel free to email me rebalkin@gmail.com</span></span></div></div><div><div style="line-height: normal;"><div style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> </span></span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-33576884814955454022011-06-15T23:14:00.000-07:002011-06-15T23:37:55.363-07:00I Have To, I Am Her Dad!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've heard Myrtle gets a lot of mentions on this blog, on my Facebook, in my conversations and in the comic book series I write with her as the heroin fighting crime by softening hardened criminals with her electric smile. I didn't know I was Myrtle-fying my all my conversations so much. Granted it took me a few months to mention her name without tearing up, so maybe I do mention her a fair bit.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my defense Myrtle is awesome.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My view on the world changed when she was born. Not so much in logistics of life, but in my very mind and soul. I remember my Aunt Robin asking me soon after Myrtle's birth how my life had changed, my reply was "I didn't know how self absorbed I was before."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today is Myrtle's birthday and at radiation one of the tech's, Julia, had a gift for Myrtle, a small stuffie pig in a ballerina outfit. Myrtle loved it and carried it around as she bounced down the halls smiling at all.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe8JySDqeiyKPrI1YyikhysxpL_wv8kRjyf5JceK0H0RiYAh94nhNied04dI_NMhTBWWtfyIxYtjr1zImznxf_HrGg5Oz9r4jdTPQi-NYpiJd5pKjr1KEKXaFRlqSWtp_4YWogPUWcGLQ/s1600/P6150189.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe8JySDqeiyKPrI1YyikhysxpL_wv8kRjyf5JceK0H0RiYAh94nhNied04dI_NMhTBWWtfyIxYtjr1zImznxf_HrGg5Oz9r4jdTPQi-NYpiJd5pKjr1KEKXaFRlqSWtp_4YWogPUWcGLQ/s320/P6150189.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>I<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> was moved by Julia's small gift, as it was hugely thoughtful.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After radiation I met with my oncologist. Our meetings are brief and it seems like he's quite happy to be out the door ASAP. Though he does fully answer any question asked. Today I asked when will I have a clean bill of health. My optimism mixed with my naiveté wasn't mentally prepared for him to nonchalantly state "maybe" and "if". What got me was him saying it might pop up years, maybe a year or two, later as multiple myeloma (that's not a good thing). Statistically radiation has about a 9% of success. All I could think was my time with Myrtle is limited.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How lucky Myrtle is to have no idea why we go to the hospital everyday. How lucky I am to have a reason other then myself to be healed.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cried on the way to the car. I cried driving to our stroll on the boardwalk. I cried on the boardwalk. I cried as we picked up Myrtle birthday cake and cupcakes. Coming home and sitting down I cried on my trusty recliner as Myrtle and her cousin Montana were colouring in the kitchen.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Faith had wrapped up gifts we were to give her at her party and I knew she would love them. But I learned something from Toy Story 3 and that is kids grow up. Incase Myrtle ever wondered if her father loved her I started writing. I then printed it out and taped in her birthday card.</span><br />
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<div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div id="internal-source-marker_0.6595240184105933" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Arial Black'; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><u>Tribute To Myrtle On Her First Birthday</u></span></div><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Arial Black'; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br />
<i><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Myrtle when you were born it woke me up</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Was I really asleep for 32 years?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eagerly I have lost countless hours of sleep staying up late </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hoping you’d awake from yours</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Losing sleep to gain memories was an easy choice</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Especially now that you sleep through the night</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Many mornings still asleep I hear you are awake with Mom</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You make the cutest sounds with your “words”, “Dadda" being the sweetest</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I get out of bed and say “Goooooood Morning! Helloooo Myrtle!”</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No matter how tired</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your smile is too bright sleep through</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thought of missing out on your “firsts” easily rolls me out of bed</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mom will sometimes plop you on my sleeping body </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Waking me from silly dreams</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Usually you grab my face and I see your smile</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I get to live out the dream of being your “Dadda”</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your personality is joyful and magnetic</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This has made naps and bed time hard to do</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whether it’s yours or mine</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Awake with you I get to experience this world I have missed</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Perhaps I had been asleep for 32 years</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">May you always wake me up Myrtle</span></i></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></i></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">My life is for Myrtle, everything I have is hers from my time to what is on my plate. I never quite understood my parents' love for me. I rolled my eyes way too long about things I didn't like hearing. I didn't get "it". Regarding helping out in this time of need, my parents emailed me offering all they had, whatever they have to help, even if it meant selling their home to help. I thought it drastic at the time, but now understand how I would do ANYTHING for Myrtle, my parents too would do ANYTHING to help me. And they would.</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Myrtle it's my hope one day you read this, you come from good stock.</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Something my old roommate/cousin Andrew would say was "Celebrate success, no matter how small." Sometimes it was just "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Celebrate success!" with a fist pump. Like most things, Andrew was right. </span></span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I mentioned, today is her birthday. It felt it right to go all out, to really celebrate. We went to our favorite beach, had balloons, food and gifts. Though it was cold and rainy earlier in the day the clouds parted and sun shined on the part of God's earth we stood. Us three plus thirty-seven of our friends and family came to celebrate Myrtle. She may never have more well attended birthday party. Everyone had a great time, especially the Birthday Girl.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1HExkqKwUr3HjIlfw4xGzFt_eQjoi-ivhjx-jb3yokvka7DRYqbFVw0Q2q5_MIxtr108ceBP4pAyR26nBG50virO-8nEQ10uRYt13taHmDt4DjhpV1miEbokdWSUWcoyB2s5pCZgKMSc/s1600/P6150347.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1HExkqKwUr3HjIlfw4xGzFt_eQjoi-ivhjx-jb3yokvka7DRYqbFVw0Q2q5_MIxtr108ceBP4pAyR26nBG50virO-8nEQ10uRYt13taHmDt4DjhpV1miEbokdWSUWcoyB2s5pCZgKMSc/s320/P6150347.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What the fuss is all about!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Leaving the beach I cried again. I wasn't sad, just so very grateful to have had such a fantastic time celebrating life - the life of my daughter. Yes, the party was for her and it was also for her parents - with all our faults somehow we produced Myrtle!</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">While the I'm going through the actual radiation all I think is "Where can I can take Myrtle after this?" When I pray for my health it's that I may live long that I may raise Myrtle. When I choose to eat healthier I eat to help my body heal so I can be Myrtle's father. Etc., etc., etc..</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I know I am also a friend, nephew, cousin, uncle, brother, son, and husband. Frankly, all of you don't <i>need</i> me the way Myrtle does, she's barely a one year old and I'm her father. One day she'll plan her own birthday parties if she wants to and she might roll her eyes while saying "Oh Dad! You just say that because you </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">you have to, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">you're my dad." She'd be right, <b>I have to, I am her dad!</b></span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzXrhb7uU2AfwOuLMIrKJPRu7YDCdfa7ENide3m3Pn8JhDzVtNOJ7XOtdkbwbdEtBYjiQsGT7JuRY6hlyfQ0w' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
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</span></span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-69554904783855082542011-06-14T11:15:00.000-07:002011-06-14T12:16:54.041-07:00Doing it for the Sympathy or Empathy?<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I remembered when in grade three braking my arm riding to fast on my brother Jason's black and yellow BMX bike. I was too small for it. My brother Dion wrote on my cast "Did you do this for the empathy or sympathy?" </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ever wonder if you're the only one going through _________? I was yesterday feeling out of sorts in a way - I wanted sympathy or empathy. I have been open and rejected the idea of support groups. What I have learned from those that have or are going through cancer is that a similarity has been our reaction and others reactions upon learning of the diagnosis. But since my cervix isn't been removed; a mastectomy isn't required; and chemotherapy or surgery aren't on the agenda it seems others journey's are on another planet. Plus, it feels like out of the cancer options I was lucky overall. Nonetheless I wanted to see if there were others in Victoria with plasmacytoma so I Googled "plasmacytoma support groups, victoria, bc". </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsjHsUnOKQXghjtlQ5ri6fXD3DqzvIPNf6bhrkLJ86nhogXxy_8sFNLl9mf18h4Bt6DQB792j9MDfGVsYS2bV1xI9PHz2qptwJ0XSImpb2Ag9GtPv_ai-SrSsnkNzsRBB8jCHSsH9QJ4/s1600/Picture+20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsjHsUnOKQXghjtlQ5ri6fXD3DqzvIPNf6bhrkLJ86nhogXxy_8sFNLl9mf18h4Bt6DQB792j9MDfGVsYS2bV1xI9PHz2qptwJ0XSImpb2Ag9GtPv_ai-SrSsnkNzsRBB8jCHSsH9QJ4/s320/Picture+20.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first link had nothing to do with plasmacytoma. The second and third were support groups for women (maybe ones I dated?). Which brings us to the forth and fifth ...ME! So it seemed like my support group is a mirror.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It got me thinking of what real support is. Nothing wrong with strangers being acquainted over cancer, but for me I think it might be just too time consuming and depressing (maybe). However yesterday my mother called before bed to say "Hey, how are you? Talk to me." My dad dropped by with some produce. My niece Montana is visiting and helping around the home, made me grilled cheese sandwiches. Myrtle, well she is an angel with a radiant smile and a goofiness that lifts my spirits beyond words.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also considered what came in the mail yesterday. I saw on the customs slip that inside was a "blanket" and "pens". Pens? The blanket part I understood, the sender was from Sandy, Oregon, my Aunt Lyn, a world renowned quilter (well in my world she is). Why she would send pens though was a head scratcher, "Well... she is getting older... but she not THAT old, is she?" I thought.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nope, she's not. The quilt has patches for family and friends to write on, the "pens" are a bunch of permanent markers. Some of my American family had already signed some patches. A quilt wasn't a surprise per se, but being able to have people sign it was! Once more a quilt made me cry.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the weekend I had some side effects that were to be expected, just not welcomed. There was no radiation on Monday and today's was at 8:00am. In short I was anxious and had a hard time falling asleep. Open the window. Shut the window. Lie on my tummy. Lie on my side. What time is it? 12:40am! Okay no more looking at the clock. Lie on my back. Do I have to pee? I've been here more then an hour, I better go now. Have the window opened just a crack. I'm thirsty. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the way back from the glass of water I saw the quilt I've dubbed my "Sympathy or Empathy" quilt. I grabbed it and brought it to bed and thought of what was written by some of my support group. That I was loved and I could do this. It calmed my troubled nerves and I had a great sleep. Thank you Aunt Lyn!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I received the quilt I wrote her this:</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear Aunt Lyn,</span></i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Any Guesses what is keeping me warm as I type? I know it might take me a few days to think of something better than THANK YOU! All I can say is I look forward to when Myrtle can enjoy the quilt and comprehend the love you and the family shared with her daddy. </span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you and THANK YOU!</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lots and lots and lots of love,</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rube</span></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please if you are ever by and you want to sign it, please do, I could the use the sympathy or empathy. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy8G7lrJ8gu8s88rar9aXHnFjcpC4XM6bvjrLVlLRNsIXuOwqPY9hQ4fsnDGtQKn0dPNPlPzdaYvzJcPkTMEGHY-pfJYFZ-LyAh8EZpFzeNelR4eqRbrB95Lvs3v-FpnjPAvYPyHJ2Ju4/s1600/P6130251.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy8G7lrJ8gu8s88rar9aXHnFjcpC4XM6bvjrLVlLRNsIXuOwqPY9hQ4fsnDGtQKn0dPNPlPzdaYvzJcPkTMEGHY-pfJYFZ-LyAh8EZpFzeNelR4eqRbrB95Lvs3v-FpnjPAvYPyHJ2Ju4/s320/P6130251.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myrtle showed she approved of the quilt in her own way. Montana encouraged her no doubt. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCnIo_0FMQMa3BbOTZW5tA9Gbu2SK6Za1QziZw_DUq6gfmcXWJ4N0E0EX-id09OGYQnNVPauo-RKJttZvbeuulDIbryXB38VSkZVp7FiICHBH1poE0Ym5nsSwoWCC2QZkbXDi9rDbM4s4/s1600/P6130257.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="99" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCnIo_0FMQMa3BbOTZW5tA9Gbu2SK6Za1QziZw_DUq6gfmcXWJ4N0E0EX-id09OGYQnNVPauo-RKJttZvbeuulDIbryXB38VSkZVp7FiICHBH1poE0Ym5nsSwoWCC2QZkbXDi9rDbM4s4/s320/P6130257.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsdrnl0A7TXKAgpb100H4cCFCgv70PYRhVXXucu7xaR4a7PQ4jLLc7lszBszFY2G3evu6iV6Xll4-_4U9yGxvIRr-JTnV44A9YzdJsiAlHENZBz6wJ8MIFeRhuvBJR2xgbQRQ4v-poKvQ/s1600/P6130285.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsdrnl0A7TXKAgpb100H4cCFCgv70PYRhVXXucu7xaR4a7PQ4jLLc7lszBszFY2G3evu6iV6Xll4-_4U9yGxvIRr-JTnV44A9YzdJsiAlHENZBz6wJ8MIFeRhuvBJR2xgbQRQ4v-poKvQ/s320/P6130285.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In Myrtle's room.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></span></span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-42816341013714259042011-06-12T18:59:00.000-07:002011-06-12T19:47:59.419-07:00When Is It Okay To Slap Ruban?<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A while back my niece Kathryn came for a week to help Faith out with Myrtle and me. It was a huge help and a new face was a welcomed change in conversation too. A little after that my oldest brother Dion texted me regarding his daughter Montana.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig7OwJua4L2klhV3ZIXnkM3VJ40qVjMN-UHXT_l5ITtuNQlSGg-A_CyFX6BL-jzMYVi616wNLH2xppafsVPT74GLbKKBL_uh2nisTO0Ghc_nCRkA8MgPoF-icCMMuvNcY5cO8eapCwluI/s1600/ScreenShot_2011-05-23_20-56-13_by_s4bb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig7OwJua4L2klhV3ZIXnkM3VJ40qVjMN-UHXT_l5ITtuNQlSGg-A_CyFX6BL-jzMYVi616wNLH2xppafsVPT74GLbKKBL_uh2nisTO0Ghc_nCRkA8MgPoF-icCMMuvNcY5cO8eapCwluI/s400/ScreenShot_2011-05-23_20-56-13_by_s4bb.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All kidding aside it was nice to know help was coming. Myrtle is the most social baby I know, she loves people and extra attention. Sometimes I'm not always having enough energy to play or help out with Myrtle when she's ready for it. So Montana here will be a welcomed addition. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She arrived last night flying from Salt Lake City to Seattle. From there she took her first cab ride from the airport to the Clipper ferry which brought her to the island. My parents picked her up and dropped her off here. Knowing that Montana is a voracious reader (she's read the dictionary) I asked "So do you play Scrabble?" Before I knew it I was playing with a real live person (online Scrabble isn't quite the same). Caught up in the excitement of it all I realized mid-game I ought to let her dad know she arrived safely.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTvHxuKJ-mD-FVVpCPhYgSd0HgMckxbTl7DneLEH2eblySIQJkx8Q6lu3a73pTfGY8KiTFt4xLqVYXV3aQj0p3Ms_MNe5eBVpp5kswZEesdE3WHQD5T_9RJ4zZq_6DgoemAqRyq8yWR0/s1600/ScreenShot_2011-06-11_22-14-38_by_s4bb+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTvHxuKJ-mD-FVVpCPhYgSd0HgMckxbTl7DneLEH2eblySIQJkx8Q6lu3a73pTfGY8KiTFt4xLqVYXV3aQj0p3Ms_MNe5eBVpp5kswZEesdE3WHQD5T_9RJ4zZq_6DgoemAqRyq8yWR0/s400/ScreenShot_2011-06-11_22-14-38_by_s4bb+%25281%2529.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQTn5iGeFzN-1m7C3_dZ4latBlJr9_KnhhAABxeJ7wmN1aSm7Zy-bmi4sJm-HjLBriJfo0ALTXHD-a6bZJwlIbEJSuhbgqnrI5364AGb53HtSaurBaFqipLiD9xOz0w1AbKJOjZvQ-N0/s1600/ScreenShot_2011-06-11_22-08-55_by_s4bb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQTn5iGeFzN-1m7C3_dZ4latBlJr9_KnhhAABxeJ7wmN1aSm7Zy-bmi4sJm-HjLBriJfo0ALTXHD-a6bZJwlIbEJSuhbgqnrI5364AGb53HtSaurBaFqipLiD9xOz0w1AbKJOjZvQ-N0/s400/ScreenShot_2011-06-11_22-08-55_by_s4bb.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Montana has only played a Scrabble a few times, whereas I have played hundreds upon hundreds for about ten years. One might think I went easy on her, one would be wrong. One might think my I wouldn't gloat in my victory, one would be wrong. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxln74PiN31l2Imh7ydZh8zRjwsBYCMBAmBBur_qtZ9pxmAHa0zWokMvNBO-NuV-YLxZFlZbDr39tMtcnm9cgGJOHYaR_EAsRXraEsWuKCLm5gGR_hrD_yOhDf3eYa9xABYn7V3f8PrQE/s1600/IMG-20110612-00311.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxln74PiN31l2Imh7ydZh8zRjwsBYCMBAmBBur_qtZ9pxmAHa0zWokMvNBO-NuV-YLxZFlZbDr39tMtcnm9cgGJOHYaR_EAsRXraEsWuKCLm5gGR_hrD_yOhDf3eYa9xABYn7V3f8PrQE/s320/IMG-20110612-00311.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Montana: 169 & Uncle Ruban: 298</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Truth is I was scared, the game started out with her winning and my guess is that she'll be winning in the end before she flies back home.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJq_7utV2o0MGQ8I1RgBJ0uk6kyiczGEgiPdfia-l91ascHVdLBbi2AtHOG0oH0zRyisKMe_NOIoVoWLcbt_b7NZO9gi9waTQ7Uxr5jpu55wlBrqLMSF9qp6Zmyo2bWddeRirsRjBv9k/s1600/Picture+19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJq_7utV2o0MGQ8I1RgBJ0uk6kyiczGEgiPdfia-l91ascHVdLBbi2AtHOG0oH0zRyisKMe_NOIoVoWLcbt_b7NZO9gi9waTQ7Uxr5jpu55wlBrqLMSF9qp6Zmyo2bWddeRirsRjBv9k/s1600/Picture+19.png" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm blogging all the above for me to remember what sacrifices have been made on my behalf. It's not a cheap trip for Montana to make and I doubt not every 17 year old is willing to spend two weeks of their summer helping out their families version of <a href="http://i3.digiguide.tv/up/1004/1271271600-20555-UncleBuck-12705522800.jpg">Uncle Buck</a>. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After I blogged about the quilt my sister-in-law Colleen made me, the next day we had an hour long Skype video chat. Colleen showed me what each square on the quilt meant. She said that since we live far away from each other, dropping off meals, visiting or watching Myrtle of course wasn't possible. However, making the quilt was a way for her to contribute, to show love and support.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dion echoed Colleen's sentiments; wanting to help but being 1,580 km's away he wasn't too sure how. He said "Well in the olden days a family would send over their daughter to help." Who knows, maybe in 17 years Dion will be sick and I'll be sending Myrtle down. Maybe I should start a quilt now incase Colleen ever gets sick.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We never know when someone will need help or what to do when that happens. I know prayer of others has helped me tremendously. I'm not sure still how/why it works, just that it has. My cousin-in-law Dana asked how I knew I was being prayed for and I didn't have a great answer. There are outward manifestations: having great health (considering I'm in the middle of cancer treatment); people crossing my path that have aided in my my healing; kind emails and phone calls; having not worked since September yet still eating and putting gas in the tank (<i>thank you</i> to those who donated). The inward/spiritual manifestations have been peace of mind, stillness of heart, faith and hope. Our soul needs that as much as our bodies require food and air.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My cousin Emily wrote<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"> "I will be thinking about you and Faith and Myrtle ...and praying for you as well since prayers are even better than thoughts... I will also be praying to know what I can do for you and your family. "</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">Sometimes the "do" is visiting, emailing, forgiving, more praying, phone calls, texting, paging, faxing, smoke signals or giving me a three pound bag of quinoa (thanks Cindy, I can't wait to Google what to do with it!). Asking what can be done is appreciated and sometimes it's just as exhausting to answer too. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">On Thursday I had one of those days where I wondered how is life going to really work. Where is my dignity? How am I going to make ends meet? Will I really heal? Can I be the father that Myrtle needs? It doesn't matter what happened. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> I suppose what "happened" was life plans didn't seem to be panning out and I was lacking faith and lost some perspective.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">After all the help I've been given please slap some sense in me if I ever see another's lack and I not share. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #444444;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves." </i></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>— Gordon B. Hinckley</i></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Here I am with energy to write, but too sore to play with Myrtle and there's Montana playing with Myrtle. My brother saw that I was in need and sent his daughter to do what I can't. In fact while I was writing my Aunt Lyn emailed me </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">"Isn't it amazing... when you need help... help arrives..." </span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Yes, it is amazing!</span></span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-78858920497728788882011-06-08T15:08:00.000-07:002011-06-08T19:51:16.831-07:00And I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After each radiation appointment I now take Myrtle and Faith somewhere, anywhere, for family time. We've gone to see the floating homes on Fisherman's Warf; fed the ducks (and the mooching geese, pigeons and crows) at the ponds at Beacon Hill Park; played at the parks at Willow's Beach and at Beacon Hill Park. Monday we stopped by our friends Mike and Julianne's for an impromptu play date for Myrtle and their son Owen. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today I drove around unsure of where to go, I wanted different yet fun. I did a quick turn and thought Myrtle would enjoy some play time with her cousin Seth who is about two weeks older then her. I was right, she had a great time! They looked at chickens in the back yard, rolled around on the trampoline, played with toys outside and inside. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipQQ_ATTAxwenBclOKN07bXLMfZkK1NOa_JGaBQQYu7vqYucTaJFcYJ98bKc_RKEoWsOaSGg9ZN7TWyZJMtQ5wB6ClwyKb5nvV4XQwxSNfIgkrLbSETI7M8vY3kHIcHnmY4cIq6rocBKI/s1600/Saanich-20110608-00274.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipQQ_ATTAxwenBclOKN07bXLMfZkK1NOa_JGaBQQYu7vqYucTaJFcYJ98bKc_RKEoWsOaSGg9ZN7TWyZJMtQ5wB6ClwyKb5nvV4XQwxSNfIgkrLbSETI7M8vY3kHIcHnmY4cIq6rocBKI/s320/Saanich-20110608-00274.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seth showing Myrtle the chickens.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes crappy things happen and <b>life is messy</b>. One thing can lead to another and before you know it life looks different than dreamed of. After a week of radiation I thought it was silly driving for an hour through rush hour traffic only to just drive home - thus the idea family time afterwards was born. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Walking down the path to Seth's door there was a single pink rose. I stopped to smell it, (it smelled wonderful actually), Faith smelled it, then I leaned Myrtle into it. Is it possible that because of this cancer nonsense I am now literally stopping to smell the roses? I'm slightly embarrassed that getting cancer and the treatments is what got me to reconsider how I spend my time, especially time with my family. These days I am so much more grateful for the time I do get to spend with them. More on this in a moment...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today we met with the radiation oncologist for a Q&A. I asked why if I have a blood cancer is it that only my tumor is being treated. From what I gather the plasma (blood) cells that showed cancer were in the tumor, no where else. The radiation then shrinks said tumor into oblivion.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMch6uunDWRPaazHP6r6CxHqLmTe6lFlvK-O2aLau2PQ5Tm0q8fOJ_iw8ptdezEB-DD8_Xw8BTyWAvSKRUGVRbQBkvSGNMOgyAeRj5DAHWNzZPfn_NTUSvb15TBwYnfYOQNiRNmLevcRo/s1600/IMG-20110601-00189.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMch6uunDWRPaazHP6r6CxHqLmTe6lFlvK-O2aLau2PQ5Tm0q8fOJ_iw8ptdezEB-DD8_Xw8BTyWAvSKRUGVRbQBkvSGNMOgyAeRj5DAHWNzZPfn_NTUSvb15TBwYnfYOQNiRNmLevcRo/s320/IMG-20110601-00189.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy showing Myrtle the radiation machine.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told the him the tenderness (aka pain, extreme discomfort) where the tumor is has subsided some and I don't always feel the need to use my crutches. The oncologist replied by saying that as the tumor shrinks there will be less pain, however with the tumor gone there will be a gaping hole in my bone where the tumor was. It will take about 6+ weeks after radiation for the hip to heal (much like if had I broken it). So to support the healing and avoid a break or fracture I do need to use the crutches. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As the doc was about to leave Faith piped up and asked when we could have more children. The short answer is that I might not be able to, which also means I might be able to too. The radiation leaves a residue of sorts that could lead to deformities in a baby if one were to procreate within the year after radiation. So it'll be us three for awhile.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Faith was disappointed to hear that and expressed it as we drove away. BUT the kicker for me was what Faith said after. She was pointing out all the positive about this permanent or temporary delay. Could it be we're both growing to be more positive?! In the end we concluded that if Myrtle was our only child we're still the luckiest parents alive and be grateful for that. As a family we learned there's no use crying over spilt milk, especially if you can slurp up the stuff that's still good.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not everything since we got married has gone as planned. Truth is not everything before we got married went as planned either. That's just life - it can get messy. Plan all you want, but sometimes an egg can hit the fan.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't plan on going bald. But I love it. I feel more like a man not using hair sprays/gels/products, and living every boys dreams of not needing to comb his hair. As my brother Dion says "Hair is for girls."</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't plan to live on Vancouver Island. But (now) I love it. I can't believe I lived in Alberta and sometimes feel sorry for all my family and friends living there (please send your hate mail to rubanlivesincanadasparadise@vancouverisland.youdont). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't plan on being a new daddy in my 30's. But I love it. Looking back at my twenties, when I hoped I would be a dad, I was perhaps not the most selfless individual. Myrtle has a better father now than if she arrived when I first wanted to be a dad.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't plan on getting THE CALL about a tumor that was a cancer, rendering me unable to work sitting on a recliner the majority of the my waking hours for months. As I've sat here <b> I've learned and experienced so much with the TV OFF. </b>Enough that sometimes I'm brave enough to dare say to myself "I'm glad I got cancer." Though, I'm more happy for experiencing a positive change within, the cancer was just a catalyst. Happy that I've been able to bond with Myrtle and enjoy watching her roll over, crawl and take her first steps for the first time. Happy her first words were "Dadda". I'm happy to say that my marriage is growing too. Our view of what's important has been altered, hopefully forever.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy34MuZGVd-BVgBlqwy444XsCkWy-gIwq7taZsbfh9HW3DDlvhnoOZDXs1eDLbi-lQ6yTXHPGYKROY2ekZihw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today the oncologist said my hip bone will have scar tissue only a CT Scan can see and my hip will never be or feel the same as it was. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But neither will I feel or be same either and <b>I wouldn't have it any other way</b>.</span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-83452822310005541072011-06-05T21:15:00.000-07:002011-06-05T21:53:41.141-07:00♪ At first I Was Afraid I Was Petrified ♫<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcIN01l95h-y0G4ODtw87cqpcXPYIp8qKL4EjnbyrfgFyx-6ZLT6EJO8grROaYiEFdHcUmOaCtMJifQ5cyBFlRzJgCOVa_zYOyLYlqIf5XVdd2ws-RmIWbVYTqIQuUKBTw7MTib_YH-Y/s1600/Picture+12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcIN01l95h-y0G4ODtw87cqpcXPYIp8qKL4EjnbyrfgFyx-6ZLT6EJO8grROaYiEFdHcUmOaCtMJifQ5cyBFlRzJgCOVa_zYOyLYlqIf5XVdd2ws-RmIWbVYTqIQuUKBTw7MTib_YH-Y/s400/Picture+12.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Umm, I definitely intend on joining the Brotherhood. Shoddy journalism again HuffPost.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently today is National Cancer Survivor Day, why am I always the last to find out? Maybe because I'm not technically a survivor. After further thought of two seconds, maybe it's just a USA thing. Okay, I just checked on Wikipedia via Google (as if there was another way) and here is what I read:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZfzXDFGHl9plNxTuObZx6LylXScVYMKeACHFZeDxJtE74q6lV2H4JlqwBJhChCSKKzm5xOol3M1Gzs5Mnjt63dVD6MlboyEH7ImuLHfV01alabuJvHWK0kKx3DKxt5OmpIlVMrAkpC4/s1600/Picture+14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZfzXDFGHl9plNxTuObZx6LylXScVYMKeACHFZeDxJtE74q6lV2H4JlqwBJhChCSKKzm5xOol3M1Gzs5Mnjt63dVD6MlboyEH7ImuLHfV01alabuJvHWK0kKx3DKxt5OmpIlVMrAkpC4/s1600/Picture+14.png" /></a></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yup, those Americans know how to be the first. Seeing that there is a National Cancer Survivors Day and today is that day and I have cancer and I have a blog, I felt it was apropos to express something.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the worst things about this blog and people knowing I have cancer is I'm that "guy with cancer." People say "Have you heard about Ruban?" Other person shakes head and says "Who's that and what happened?" "Oh you know Ruban, the bald guy with bad posture. Well anyways, he has cancer." "Yeah, that's right, I did hear about him, he's that cancer guy. Isn't he penniless and nearly dead?"</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What's so bad about that? Nothing really. It's just odd being the one talked about. Don't get me wrong, if I hear that you had cancer I'll be saying "Did you hear who has cancer?" Later you'll hear "Ruban told me you have cancer." Then you'll say "Bald Ruban? Cancer guy? That's odd, I thought he was dead."</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One day I won't be cancer guy, I'll be that cancer survivor guy. Will that mean I"ll have to wear the yellow bracelet, put a plasmacytoma awareness ribbon on my car (just Googled to see what one looks like and there isn't one, yet), or grow a mustache for Movember? Social protocols can be a jungle to navigate. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The best thing about the blog is I have an opportunity to share my story, my "aha moments". (Side note: Who keeps on reading in Nigeria, Malaysia, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">Finland, Germany, South Korea, etc.? This puzzle keeps me up at night.)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life has defining moments and moments you thought were defining at the time. Seeing my first concert in Grade 7, Young MC of 'Bust a Move' fame, I thought was a life defining moment. Years go on and life becomes more complex. Watching beautiful Myrtle being born; now that was a life defining moment! After her birth I felt guilty to going to sleep, afraid to miss her awake or her needing me. My life had more value than I ever imagined and I viewed the world differently. 261 days later a tumor is found on my hip. A month later I find out it's cancer. A month after that I find out what kind of cancer and that it is the kind that can be cured (50/50). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Falling down the stairs yesterday was one too. I thought only the old and infirmed did that - I was shocked I did that. I know I walked too much, but chasing Myrtle on the beach with crutches isn't practical. It was a reminder I'm mortal and that when you fall you get back up.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbv7ltHYZG4VFKNb-ELpAFW8OWkYDNbJz9vrFFdcDlc4vNfumIDFV81i5OuQyIYgxTFLh21pI2Qv0dS1uBG1yeXcDYYBnuaaIfZqUdayYZxFCPFG3KLJ_esgZ7IiX0nN6no99UDD2coY0/s1600/242297_10150217294219417_518049416_6872037_4564099_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbv7ltHYZG4VFKNb-ELpAFW8OWkYDNbJz9vrFFdcDlc4vNfumIDFV81i5OuQyIYgxTFLh21pI2Qv0dS1uBG1yeXcDYYBnuaaIfZqUdayYZxFCPFG3KLJ_esgZ7IiX0nN6no99UDD2coY0/s320/242297_10150217294219417_518049416_6872037_4564099_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family day at Witty's Lagoon</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the past three months and few days I've cried more than Myrtle, reevaluated what has real value, prayed more faithfully, hugged tighter and say "I love you" more. Which reminds me, I love you. Aside from my love for you, what does this all mean to survive cancer? For starters, many have and had worse cancers and treatments, I'm very, very, very lucky and am very aware how lucky I am. For me to survive cancer is to not live like I'm dying, rather to live like I'm alive. Hold no grudges, be open to friendships and pursue my interests and dreams so my daughter can feel at ease to pursue hers.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-24819023601990201422011-06-03T18:55:00.000-07:002011-06-04T01:22:11.190-07:00Looking Great (Considering)<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This afternoon I've been reflecting upon a conversation I had with <a href="http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/brian-holmes/7/134/270">Brian Holmes</a> who is the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 12px;">VP of Operations for </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="org summary" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.fosterhealth.ca/">Foster Health</a>. On an earlier blog post </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;">I mentioned about the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="org summary" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">inexpensive organic produce I get </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;">delivered</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="org summary" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">, Foster Health has since bought that company and for those interested their website is <a href="http://www.localfarmsdelivery.ca/">here</a>. Anyways, it's been a few weeks since I've seen Brian and so it was nice to hear him comment today that I'm looking "great" (maybe he meant great 'considering'). </span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="org summary" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 18px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="org summary" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Two months ago I went to Foster Health for my first time to see their n</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">utritionist. Since then I adjusted what I eat and unlike a diet I haven't gone hungry and weak. Rather, without counting calories or going hungry I have lost twenty pounds of fat and feel stronger. This is all without exercising (though that was suggested). </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">Of course my goal is not weight loss, rather it is giant cancer tumor cell loss. I've gone from not driving at all to driving a little more often. From needing help putting my pants on to putting them on by myself (like a big boy!). From having Faith literally grabbing my leg to lift it up on to the recliner, couch, bed or into the car, to me doing the lifting and now my leg is doing the lifting on it own!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">One of the best things, which I have mentioned before, is there has been a lift of a brain fog. My thoughts are clearer. I am able to read and write more and beat most people at Scrabble. However, my grammar and editing skills still could use some tweaking. But I digress. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">So in two months I have lost twenty pounds, felt stronger and am more mentally alert. The real amazing part is that I'm in the midst of radiation treatment. Radiation isn't for the weak, wimps need not apply. We're talking side effects such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">bladder and rectal irritation, and low, low, low energy. With o</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">ne more appointment I will be half way done and the only things from that list I have felt is nausea once and low energy. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">Though I do sleep 10-12 hours and nap or rest, I feel great (considering). My mom has noticed not too long ago that I have more colour and has commented that I "sure get around", which I trust she is referring my family outings. Today for our "after radiation family outing" we basked in the sunshine at Beacon Hill Park. </span></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJGKgFpgnI4LGr5TFSHgeTI3aQTptS1fdPtYiVdmg0FHIbVRvtT33rztietF8p49tF3sC1Z7nUPj5zZ4biA8SKvpvcpBW5hLcaJKekKtcrq5If_CM6YZTzadDgfdtMtp7Thaz2ZVfsj5w/s1600/Victoria-20110603-00228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJGKgFpgnI4LGr5TFSHgeTI3aQTptS1fdPtYiVdmg0FHIbVRvtT33rztietF8p49tF3sC1Z7nUPj5zZ4biA8SKvpvcpBW5hLcaJKekKtcrq5If_CM6YZTzadDgfdtMtp7Thaz2ZVfsj5w/s320/Victoria-20110603-00228.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying the water park part. Well I was, Myrtle might learn to love it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">This week my family doctor said plasmacytoma is something that "can just lurk there and pop up years later." My oncologist on Wednesday had similar words but was more optimistic by saying it's "50/50 that you can beat this, some people on this very island are walking around cured." Taking control of my health as I <b>beat this cancer to it's death</b> allows me to reassess what I am capable of and what I am grateful for.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">So thank you Brian for saying I look great (considering?). Not many do during the middle of their cancer treatment; I feel <i>very</i> blessed. It might be true what "they" say, "You are what you eat" because I eat healthy and feel it (considering). Of course radiation has an accumulative affect and my well being could take a nose dive; however I am confident that I am better off eating this way, praying and being prayed for.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: none; line-height: 15px;">Brian, you don't look too bad either.</span></span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-21835638903894328052011-05-31T18:44:00.000-07:002011-06-01T19:14:08.598-07:00Soldiering On<div style="text-align: justify;">Tired, very tired. Each appointment I'm asked how I'm feeling and today I said "I just feel ...lazy". Hannah was very clear at helping me understand that being tired is to be expected. Sleeping 12 hours and taking naps are helpful for my body to heal; as my body is expending its energy resources to heal. Today's treatment certainly is being felt in discomfort and low energy.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I decided that if we're driving all the way downtown as a family everyday to help me live so we can be a family, why not do a family activity afterwards if we're able to. So I packed some grain for us to feed the ducks. Myrtle loved it. I loved being a family.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxQToocgqwuVbNxzF5B4Vgv5EjxQIm035iz13JcXgolSeZcqeICYNMvbFSAI4PkwrbGXa3mpKCSJTk92y0zxQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: justify;">We took a different route home as there was a package waiting for me at the Greyhound terminal. Passing Planet Organic grocery I decided to pop in to pick up a few items. The cashier girls were asking questions why I was on crutches, which lead to them asking how I found out I had cancer. They would have no way of knowing how tired I was and wanting to go as anonymously as I came in. So tired I kept on forgetting my debit cards pin and they just kept talking. Girls shouldn't be chatting men with shaved heads and tattoos. Then I hear "Hi Ruban." Finally someone I would like to talk about how life is going to but, my body was saying "Leave! Go! And sit down." I hope my friend understands I wasn't up for chatting.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0iDThcDqxsfTKUBTYtkI4OoE2HqOMSQeH-_nn9x2K3RYhCqnafaYb2upV0ZUlhjePw-1jKR24K-ZJl3GjWsux6g4dfuHv780XmmedJ-miATwa4DdOxcLUFhEQSonO2tKmVRnYNNwatmI/s1600/Picture+9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0iDThcDqxsfTKUBTYtkI4OoE2HqOMSQeH-_nn9x2K3RYhCqnafaYb2upV0ZUlhjePw-1jKR24K-ZJl3GjWsux6g4dfuHv780XmmedJ-miATwa4DdOxcLUFhEQSonO2tKmVRnYNNwatmI/s1600/Picture+9.png" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Faith went into to Greyhound to pick up the package, this time I stayed in the car with Myrtle. It was from my sister-in-law Colleen.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Colleen and I have been friends since I was 12 years old and she was 15 dating my brother Jason. One day it was just the two of us at home and for some reason we went through all the spices and smelled them; we've been friends ever since. Later Colleen rented a room at our home, there we planted a garden. Other fond memories have been seeing concerts and the time I gave her a bloody nose. Maybe about 1993 there was a Sting music video playing, Fields of Gold, and I wanted to change the channel and she did not. We wrestled and somehow I fell on her head giving Colleen her first bleeding nose. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Faith and I thought that maybe Colleen mailed something for Myrtle or stuff we might have left behind when we were staying at their place when I was seeing an oncologist in Vancouver.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Opening the package when I got home and found a letter from Colleen. I scanned it, you should be able to double click on it below to get to be big enough to read.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX0OuLgsVS_FREkudczGgulWzGly6hRgcQAzCx2zj1MI4u_1vB2iT7NXF6MrFr8d4lk42A8h819nDOrGsaUx0fTQRWB7tjvul-MFyfCMMECwou4Hp0lXdSDk2HJwaXFhkR3lG3ATu4p_Y/s1600/Colleen%2527s+Quilt+Letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX0OuLgsVS_FREkudczGgulWzGly6hRgcQAzCx2zj1MI4u_1vB2iT7NXF6MrFr8d4lk42A8h819nDOrGsaUx0fTQRWB7tjvul-MFyfCMMECwou4Hp0lXdSDk2HJwaXFhkR3lG3ATu4p_Y/s320/Colleen%2527s+Quilt+Letter.jpg" width="274" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Inside the box was a quilt she made for me. It's perfect.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Honestly I wept, I was and am over joyed. I understand it was a gift truly made with love for her brother in need. I'm sure no one more than Colleen and Jason want me to get better, they are after all have agreed to raise Myrtle should Faith and I pass away. Clearly we made a fine choice for Myrtle.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I grew up with blankets and quilts my Grandma Myrtle made and afghan's my Grandma Hazel made. So I was honoured to remove the Made In China blanket on our bed with quilt that was made with love in Canada for me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ3ds04z6M4yqyHcqA8gQamSFuX6JkpW_fPjcZz8HZ612MVrSOKXkLxMdaT0hK0-iXLMbFRoVFWyH26qk948703tvzfwXoAV8Ciq2dnIqYnMeNSWwGCZmFTsHDCogYHUlTlLns2F9jczw/s1600/P5310213.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ3ds04z6M4yqyHcqA8gQamSFuX6JkpW_fPjcZz8HZ612MVrSOKXkLxMdaT0hK0-iXLMbFRoVFWyH26qk948703tvzfwXoAV8Ciq2dnIqYnMeNSWwGCZmFTsHDCogYHUlTlLns2F9jczw/s320/P5310213.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A quilt is something that helps transform a house into a home and there's no such thing as too many. Maybe I got to start quilting and knitting. While blogging Myrtle woke from a nap and I showed her the quilt. She loved it too, pointing at all the squares and saying "Oh!"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlESVTL4L2ydjIY87EmP8cXR0FNV2IBu5KHS1fdQjdPGuLlxNSC9Xxwqtj6bqrXZOgA2KW9GE1YJqREbV-j4bFAOBpT6BTbTM3oAmra4I4nsfjKNwMjqE1p0l2Ugr1e-pKOTdg5NH0sLE/s1600/P5310188.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlESVTL4L2ydjIY87EmP8cXR0FNV2IBu5KHS1fdQjdPGuLlxNSC9Xxwqtj6bqrXZOgA2KW9GE1YJqREbV-j4bFAOBpT6BTbTM3oAmra4I4nsfjKNwMjqE1p0l2Ugr1e-pKOTdg5NH0sLE/s320/P5310188.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My exhaustion coming home was replaced with new hope and courage to soldier on. Thank you Colleen.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA6o6vS8e53qjvfv0YgXLZpCFPvuMaFGdSIGqNa6INobqdwATpQfmraHfNqzuy1X400hu3BwjTxsl1ivF4DxEQAvUxquPaaw-EmTjRitcrv4J8fbIWdZkYx51ougfMR2pdM2oSQ-eZcok/s1600/P5310204.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA6o6vS8e53qjvfv0YgXLZpCFPvuMaFGdSIGqNa6INobqdwATpQfmraHfNqzuy1X400hu3BwjTxsl1ivF4DxEQAvUxquPaaw-EmTjRitcrv4J8fbIWdZkYx51ougfMR2pdM2oSQ-eZcok/s320/P5310204.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">RUBAN Soldier On <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">♥ </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">COLLEEN MAY 2011</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-B26AGgWCLpn6GPGb09aRXj8XKnUPw_KX7Oh3B1Cxvc9zqna4UXzpIM7uckUoShGLZGUib3PTRiqtYl8gTeLEu55iZM6R9vfKaOIiOyAE2VhL4pV72fBHgFSaBmXgIbvBoGH6nbNeCU/s1600/P5310208.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-B26AGgWCLpn6GPGb09aRXj8XKnUPw_KX7Oh3B1Cxvc9zqna4UXzpIM7uckUoShGLZGUib3PTRiqtYl8gTeLEu55iZM6R9vfKaOIiOyAE2VhL4pV72fBHgFSaBmXgIbvBoGH6nbNeCU/s320/P5310208.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJPMFwUDYTzi_dUIhwoLduJpowFz8EPqKgqgjYl_f7Y-uHosfTwGz2qwQ3sQw9nZkFf_eM0zFJ3yaTp7Ecv_ynG02P75nGVYE8dqeYbWvB-BBwBZQgs6vFt2Rs0STQ9UHGwq9eLj8yiE/s1600/P5310212.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJPMFwUDYTzi_dUIhwoLduJpowFz8EPqKgqgjYl_f7Y-uHosfTwGz2qwQ3sQw9nZkFf_eM0zFJ3yaTp7Ecv_ynG02P75nGVYE8dqeYbWvB-BBwBZQgs6vFt2Rs0STQ9UHGwq9eLj8yiE/s320/P5310212.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lifes a Trip. </td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For you Colleen...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://2.gvt0.com/vi/W_ACXuhQiS4/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/W_ACXuhQiS4&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/W_ACXuhQiS4&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-16734661625055656142011-05-25T17:13:00.000-07:002011-05-25T21:38:48.887-07:00Ruban You Look Radiant!<div style="text-align: justify;">Each day, Monday thru Friday (except June 13th), I will be driving to Royal Jubilee Hospital's BC Cancer Agency building for my radiation treatment. This afternoon I finished my second treatment and I have eighteen more to go, ending on June 21st.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Arriving yesterday, I met with a radiation therapist who went over what to expect and what to do. For those that are interested I took some pictures of the sheet she gave me. The squiggly square on the drawing below shows where the tumor is and where the radiation is being directed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpSo93t1-hA4F_May8Mjh2UWXLjI1CBt5b_193EkEjtxX91_R1it8x2cvoIChzhHw27cM6t2V8g234anWTj8zFYnfPpY__U6mRmqKFnZoHfyKG1A4uCLp1pEyPY3_paxlTC7J2nQdg9Tk/s1600/P5250262.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpSo93t1-hA4F_May8Mjh2UWXLjI1CBt5b_193EkEjtxX91_R1it8x2cvoIChzhHw27cM6t2V8g234anWTj8zFYnfPpY__U6mRmqKFnZoHfyKG1A4uCLp1pEyPY3_paxlTC7J2nQdg9Tk/s320/P5250262.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhnLxfPXnhthDfcLzfcYZ_hvtDtY0mo4k8wDRqdMLRyIha_g0EGqwPCIuFA5cBbpRfNYLLiZRVRmRQC_YN6MB-YhgW2r9L38f_FOSDDUAUKZHystuJgpUneZ0MAOpfExbDEFL5dp6W-_o/s1600/P5250264.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhnLxfPXnhthDfcLzfcYZ_hvtDtY0mo4k8wDRqdMLRyIha_g0EGqwPCIuFA5cBbpRfNYLLiZRVRmRQC_YN6MB-YhgW2r9L38f_FOSDDUAUKZHystuJgpUneZ0MAOpfExbDEFL5dp6W-_o/s320/P5250264.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8L8w-l9CYglKhJD5rNjQMluzmvgn5fYvRpYyQ6tvOfsi5gK9J2sqMMLeCrr8ZgvvwBaH0TCB4nUNLjq9YK81napj-Wz9VD55bFqypP-q4Nm5zAjJM3zla7yjZt2yX4dV_NTm4ioGabOA/s1600/P5250263.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8L8w-l9CYglKhJD5rNjQMluzmvgn5fYvRpYyQ6tvOfsi5gK9J2sqMMLeCrr8ZgvvwBaH0TCB4nUNLjq9YK81napj-Wz9VD55bFqypP-q4Nm5zAjJM3zla7yjZt2yX4dV_NTm4ioGabOA/s320/P5250263.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB2_v7P2Grcr-EQ2oRIUVzdM13IqH8wiO0OMjQRqyYwCXCNWqn5nxQr8ITZ5THyN5SiNiu1WHA7gkEgMcED6IT3PHIugK4LAoJmCkktNer0pqgRCta6jo_DM1PatNgSvycg5MQ9H0bmso/s1600/P5250267.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB2_v7P2Grcr-EQ2oRIUVzdM13IqH8wiO0OMjQRqyYwCXCNWqn5nxQr8ITZ5THyN5SiNiu1WHA7gkEgMcED6IT3PHIugK4LAoJmCkktNer0pqgRCta6jo_DM1PatNgSvycg5MQ9H0bmso/s320/P5250267.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">After we went over the sheet and my questions, I went to get my first treatment. As I mentioned in my last post, I was tattooed small markers on my hips and pelvis. They use those markers to position my body on the radiation gurney thing that they called a "couch" (it resembles in no way a couch, more like a big cutting board). It's rather humiliating to lie there with my pants pulled down, with a strategically placed thin linen square the size of a doily on top. This part is incredibly out of my comfort zone. When I was tattooed and yesterday they had the cloth right there ready to go no questions asked. Today it was asked if I wanted it, I casually answered "Yeah..." as if I it was an option. I'm not sure who asked, but I'm sure she was just being polite.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxrEbTTcfnkxfq_DjDcXSEUKbBDglx2RDx5kRGz7AoXQ0F9KCjWuZsmi_kKOc0i2FNiHPPWfSYDur77XdrY1A' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Yesterday and today Myrtle loved the hospital hallways. I was told after both treatments that my daughter was entertaining everyone outside. When I went out of the radiation room I saw Myrtle running around, waving at people and Faith trying catch her. Today Myrtle was true to form, she did not want to be slowed down, as she had places to go and people to wave and smile at. I think she's a welcomed distraction for everyone. Myrtle was so sad to go today and cried when picked up saying "Muh-uuuummmm, Daaaaad! I just got here! Why are you taking me away from my friends?!"</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75wpgYcwEpBfiA6uq4BXfCc7xJff1jCFBdtm6FbFaym9eNUby_itmQ4bP5G9EbVRstnSfywPJ0xguVnAA3VHaJyurcSp6QPLJ74FjHGUDxsXa0qDQODUjMEOCiG2l8fK8l7VoGGghNS0/s1600/IMG-20110524-00158.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75wpgYcwEpBfiA6uq4BXfCc7xJff1jCFBdtm6FbFaym9eNUby_itmQ4bP5G9EbVRstnSfywPJ0xguVnAA3VHaJyurcSp6QPLJ74FjHGUDxsXa0qDQODUjMEOCiG2l8fK8l7VoGGghNS0/s320/IMG-20110524-00158.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Faith trying to catch Myrtle.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">The actual radiation treatment is painless, I feel nothing at the time. Yesterday on the way home I felt like vomiting. Essentially I was told I would feel worse, a lot worse before I get better. The tumor will become more swollen and uncomfortable. Each dose of radiation builds on the last and by day ten my energy levels will more sloth like. For the last while I've trying to determine if I'm feeling cancer fatigue or just lazy and sometimes when writing or reading it feels like I'm getting stoohpidher. Fortunately other times I feel great and more mentally sharp. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">This physical and mental roller coaster also has my emotions on as a passenger, since my view on life has improved. Some things I have infinite patience for while others things I now have less patience for. For example the parking lot was full before today's treatment, we waited <u>several</u> minutes for some <i><b>very</b></i> senior geriatric citizens to back out their large truck as they finally drove away another car swooped in and took "our" parking spot. Pre-cancer Ruban would've given the driver a scowl, today I sighed and said "She probably didn't see us over the truck." I seem to have less patience when people (who for whatever seemingly valid and justified reason) have a hard time appreciating the juice of life, family time and or who just say no to everything. So sad. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">What could be more important then family and enjoying life? Pardon me? What's that you say? Nothing? Hmm. Why are we on this earth? To have joy?! Huh, something, a little voice within tells me you are right. Thank you for your insights, but this is my blog and I gotta go eat dinner.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-8178074560244230752011-05-24T07:27:00.000-07:002011-05-25T20:56:20.082-07:00My American Eagle Tattoo<div style="text-align: justify;">I've been avoiding blogging and answering emails since my diagnosis. Truthfully it would be nice if there was a neat answer to why. I could some up in a clever little sentence, but none comes to mind. We all know that life and emotions can be complex, so anything I write now might not do justice to how I feel or felt.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The course of our lives have several moment of truths that we grapple with and try to comprehend. After THE CALL one of the greatest blessings was to have an out pouring of love, support and prayers and fasting. Old friends emailed, called, and dropped by. Some family bonds were renewed and strengthened. People I don't know super well sent over cards, notes, meals, even a book and something beautiful to hang on my wall.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifYxdhIoBrFs8Q1HA2phD8eMG8ncJMLKaY2rkG7A5pCUV0tHx-eDqpwOHauySlDRy2Dfimv2LRRQ6qfBBFTpwtZeLKBGSOXH1ed151Rjt-qGRHVQGyJYZ5JasHrS3zDa9LBgqu2TvWnM/s1600/Langford-20110412-00057.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifYxdhIoBrFs8Q1HA2phD8eMG8ncJMLKaY2rkG7A5pCUV0tHx-eDqpwOHauySlDRy2Dfimv2LRRQ6qfBBFTpwtZeLKBGSOXH1ed151Rjt-qGRHVQGyJYZ5JasHrS3zDa9LBgqu2TvWnM/s320/Langford-20110412-00057.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I tried to get Myrtle to pose with it: REBALKIN families are forever</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">The oddest part of it all wasn't who reached out, but who didn't. Of course I know that no one owes me anything, people have their own life, problems, etc.. There isn't any grudge within me against anyone, but there has been some sadness when people geographically close have been emotionally far away. I didn't expect anything, but also didn't anticipate nothing. Sometimes people just don't what to say or do, and perhaps I simply wasn't as close to some people as I thought I was.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2f393a; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. ...we can choose not to be offended. ~ D. A. Bednar</span></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Does this sound too "woe is me"? I hope not. That's just life, people can disappoint and it's not even their "fault". How I have felt isn't unique, we all have wondered why so and so didn't call to congratulate me on my Nobel Peace Prize, comment on my weight loss, yada, yada, yada. I'm very certain that I have unintentionally neglected, offended and put off more people then you can shake a stick at.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Wrapping my mind around my relationship with the world at large hasn't provided a dry spell in writing, rather a pause. I knew that with my diagnosis then prognosis I was being given the gift of life, something that I took for granted before. This new lease on life, a second chance had me questioning every aspect of my life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have questioned and reevaluated everything. My faith. Where I want to live. My role as a father. Being a husband. Academic pursuits. Music I listen to. Career path. Who I spend time with. What has true value and what has none.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">THE CALL addressed my fear of death. Hesitantly I can say I don't fear it anymore, and regrettably I believe it was a fear because I didn't truly embrace life before - I was just going through the motions.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now my biggest fear is that I become complacent and fall back into the rut that I didn't know I was in.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So now that's off my chest, what have I been up to? Well for starters I got inked. Yup, that's right I have tattoo's. I explained to my mom over dinner that sometimes when going through a life altering chapter one needs something to remember it by. I had fun messing with her, as I'm not a tattooed sorta guy.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Two weeks ago I had a CT Scan to map out where to do the radiation. The "map" was marked by tattooing three small dots on my hips and somewhere below my belly button. I asked for an American eagle but this is what they came up with...</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeO8d02y2pm4vOJv8mC_y9zd2LmCcBJszafEP8JhT9U19Cqc_-f8WGaZFtAvlhbdD_OIzGTrG3uBfA7my8Y7e_s16AItPcaV1lJKJKPc_2MS4vI5Z3CfQNJF1iHYWztGCJCiIzZ_Kxwmk/s1600/Langford-20110510-00104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeO8d02y2pm4vOJv8mC_y9zd2LmCcBJszafEP8JhT9U19Cqc_-f8WGaZFtAvlhbdD_OIzGTrG3uBfA7my8Y7e_s16AItPcaV1lJKJKPc_2MS4vI5Z3CfQNJF1iHYWztGCJCiIzZ_Kxwmk/s320/Langford-20110510-00104.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the center of the red X by my freckle is a small black dot, my tat. Left hip.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVFGb9SigUMp66GI5A4gfop8B1vl8FRzzDc_zNPFrOTYOMhLywdcwDxp7ByuMD1gSl7Blq5O62xN5kaQxF3O1db06NpmO2W_j-JS0QYekcXXQdmaG2RpLYjI9WN3TrLeRogaGq3Y3jVE/s1600/Langford-20110510-00103.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVFGb9SigUMp66GI5A4gfop8B1vl8FRzzDc_zNPFrOTYOMhLywdcwDxp7ByuMD1gSl7Blq5O62xN5kaQxF3O1db06NpmO2W_j-JS0QYekcXXQdmaG2RpLYjI9WN3TrLeRogaGq3Y3jVE/s320/Langford-20110510-00103.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The American Eagle. My right hip.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">This will be the only time you'll see my tattoos, well unless I have <i>very short</i> shorts on or am in a tiny Speedo<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 15px;">®</span>.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Today I begin my radiation at 8:30am. I will blog about it. Certainly I'm a tad antsy. Last night it was near impossible to fall asleep and I welcomed and relished in Myrtle waking up at 11pm, I needed the company.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyKy-RcBGu-I3ePgwbFUlyOQ4Y0F8nAVCJeI5t_U-7NRw0K-G8viQq0TTJt4VLNXPbqlm3Rp4DRvlyJPjlFlg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">I'm only on 3 hours of sleep, so hopefully my mind will allow my body to nap later today.</div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ixEII3UFV1iaDdcPguM_lZOTU7PzjM8K2PTQNJU3rdMQmBZS6y9wVNw_BQwa9rTl77E9pVFoRNOG64br4QRxbE8sYk-p7oH4moM9Nv63_aw4bnlwuLCsObPoOWkKdlo8JwCekS9Ij74/s1600/Photo+82.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ixEII3UFV1iaDdcPguM_lZOTU7PzjM8K2PTQNJU3rdMQmBZS6y9wVNw_BQwa9rTl77E9pVFoRNOG64br4QRxbE8sYk-p7oH4moM9Nv63_aw4bnlwuLCsObPoOWkKdlo8JwCekS9Ij74/s320/Photo+82.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myrtle saying hello while I'm doing this blog. She said to ask you to pray for her Daddy today.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-68658799017856893822011-05-06T09:33:00.000-07:002011-05-06T17:09:47.928-07:00Bone Marrow Biopsy Test Results!At 8:47am this morning Dr. MacPherson, the drug therapy oncologist I met with last week called to give me the results of my bone marrow biopsy. I quickly put him on speaker phone and called Faith over and we listened as he told us that there was no sign of multiple myeloma, only plasmacytoma.<br />
<br />
A little refresher course is that I was told I had at least plasmacytoma (blood cancer with one tumor), plasmacytoma untreated becomes multiple myeloma. A bone marrow biopsy confirms where the cancer is at whether it's only plasmacytoma or multiple myeloma. There is no cure for multiple myeloma, just treatment till one dies. Plasmacytoma on the other hand can be cured, which is GREAT news for my little family!<br />
<br />
What treatment I'll get and how long it will take - all those details will emerge over the next week. The results of my 24 hour urine sample and blood sample have yet to come in, when it does it won't change the diagnosis; it's my understanding that it will show what stage the plasmacytoma is at (or something along those lines).<br />
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I have a million thoughts and feelings racing through my head. In the last 40 minutes I have laughed and cried. Thank you so very much for all the prayers, care, support - it has made a world of difference.Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-14753589652377580532011-05-04T17:51:00.000-07:002011-05-04T17:56:52.517-07:00The 9th Caller!<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whenever I wake to Myrtle crying and her momma is up with her, I swear she's saying "Daaa Daaaaa waaa waaake up!" That is how today started. Faith said Myrtle was crying because she slipped in the tub, but I knew better - it was time for Dadda to wake up. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before leaving I made sure I had everything for our trip and Faith made sure Myrtle had everything to hold the fort down as we left her behind with her Great Grandma Hazel, Aunties Joan, Lois and Ennyd. It was hard to leave Myrtle behind as she brings me so much joy, but today's errand was different and it was best she stayed back. Besides, Myrtle was in very good capable loving hands. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First order of business was dropping off 24 hours of "business" at the lab. Walking from the fridge to the living room with a container holding 24 hours of my urine with three aunts and my grandma near by was personally awkward. I don't know if any noticed and doubt any would care; still odd though. Today I was the first moment I was glad to be on crutches, as it meant Faith carried my day's supply to the lab for me.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After the lab deposit, we went to Victoria General Hospital to have my skeletal survey (head to toe x-ray) done. The head medical imaging technicians's name was Ruby and our name similarities was the only highlight of my 20 minute x-ray. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrJ5kg-hay0DHnNYGR-pWTuBWtUWAoQ_5EapMNmysdXH0d8QVx0WwweL1oCs7ghsUNDyKBdgErkuH7ARoni_ATrQ0qsALF-HGi5jPkoypamYx9qF7sUPee7ow_YIm6HbLu_L0M0EXIlM/s1600/P5040189.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrJ5kg-hay0DHnNYGR-pWTuBWtUWAoQ_5EapMNmysdXH0d8QVx0WwweL1oCs7ghsUNDyKBdgErkuH7ARoni_ATrQ0qsALF-HGi5jPkoypamYx9qF7sUPee7ow_YIm6HbLu_L0M0EXIlM/s320/P5040189.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Faith waiting outside the x-ray room.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our last and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">most important</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> stop was </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">at the Royal Jubilee Hospital</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. The help desk directed us to the wrong end of the hospital and the wrong floor. We then learned where to go and quickly made our way to the 5th floor and were whisked away by someone wearing a smock. "Bone marrow biopsy? This way" he said without even asking who we were. Part of me wasn't even sure if he was a hospital worker (how hard is it to get a smock in a hospital?), but soon it was established that he was legit and we were where we needed to be.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The doctor came in and she was very pleasant like our nurse. Upon being asked if I knew why I was getting the bone marrow biopsy I replied with "I won a radio contest, I was the ninth caller." That broke any ice and it was a friendly atmosphere with lots of joking from all four of us. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Laying on my side in a fetal like position I was prepped for the biopsy. A pinkish solution was applied then freezing needles were poked in. The freezing fluid had a bee-sting type of sensation. Soon my back right upper hip was frozen and the biopsy procedure begun.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Faith had asked if she could take pictures. Soon after it begun I hear "Faith, Faith, Faith" and saw Faith in the corner of my eye as she fell forward on the the hospital bed fainting. I tried not to laugh, but she was safe and well, it was funny. Faith sat down and the nurse took over her photographer duties.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvKEJjgPCfT2mjDn2-MinUNyS1CU9Y0VrPhWBIy2oA0SHVM9GGt28agmAaC1eE4ps-FpGCCxRxiK-tLanNILz98vtqw5QHZPxk91V2mf7OmNSgS-qgC94SlXcu0XnQBEP6AFokfmyr0YY/s1600/P5040195.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvKEJjgPCfT2mjDn2-MinUNyS1CU9Y0VrPhWBIy2oA0SHVM9GGt28agmAaC1eE4ps-FpGCCxRxiK-tLanNILz98vtqw5QHZPxk91V2mf7OmNSgS-qgC94SlXcu0XnQBEP6AFokfmyr0YY/s320/P5040195.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This photo was taken by Faith</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPbfQSIB0rvcPCozd62XrUpZ7p1-xo9W6kQqVDscV5PRV_7HvNd5xCgDw-uRGOZiXwnS92_FA0_7lqsv0VWtAfieqBLB9CMyrqPCYNiEIkq6TbzCRE6S4TPCq1gfdJNFKIgzTQZrn16Y/s1600/P5040196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPbfQSIB0rvcPCozd62XrUpZ7p1-xo9W6kQqVDscV5PRV_7HvNd5xCgDw-uRGOZiXwnS92_FA0_7lqsv0VWtAfieqBLB9CMyrqPCYNiEIkq6TbzCRE6S4TPCq1gfdJNFKIgzTQZrn16Y/s320/P5040196.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was taken by the nurse.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you grab your bottom teeth and aggressively move your jaw back and forth that is a little of what my hip felt like as the biopsy needle worked its way into my hip bone. Then the marrow was sucked out. After it was done they asked me to describe how it felt. One patient, they said, answered by saying "it felt just wrong." It certainly did hurt and is quite tender now. I had no answer for them then, but hours later and napping on their question I would say it was very disagreeable. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1g2RffWiLVgxJwhRHwdED5WOnFHwd0HEJy0vcmApIQYMhjyIseoXqZ75W8_x-L84eETKRLvwtXu0ayOGX_ICkgxh4GxCZBKaBI6nTwTQDNcld6kApR5-e8jhKb_YUTHlN6w-0ty26pDk/s1600/P5040201.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1g2RffWiLVgxJwhRHwdED5WOnFHwd0HEJy0vcmApIQYMhjyIseoXqZ75W8_x-L84eETKRLvwtXu0ayOGX_ICkgxh4GxCZBKaBI6nTwTQDNcld6kApR5-e8jhKb_YUTHlN6w-0ty26pDk/s320/P5040201.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All done.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCtLh0HeZigbQ2JiPgocIBVQd121IaGGjYTK-FLWG8jYRbIXXzVbJWq8_J_Hm1YNy3v-tI60tItx2R6YMaiiK9kcJ0DUQpKsGTSWcfYefoPKhpbNafu5Y3RgJzxMLo_7aCoSv3vN09PyE/s1600/P5040200.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCtLh0HeZigbQ2JiPgocIBVQd121IaGGjYTK-FLWG8jYRbIXXzVbJWq8_J_Hm1YNy3v-tI60tItx2R6YMaiiK9kcJ0DUQpKsGTSWcfYefoPKhpbNafu5Y3RgJzxMLo_7aCoSv3vN09PyE/s320/P5040200.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To the right is my bone marrow and the right is a core sample of my hip bone.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicCQbxcbUAKVAwJ5jqPL7Nu_XDjszcyvY0lDb6J7dOjGL5BaQHvya-SjiNMD2Vi8p0wnuHpJg7NMbORJwhIhOJhyC9ggtSDnxl_mKBa4W52kv5ORBJlDbMHzBDIe4cMwz1vUP3CLfpNcw/s1600/P5040203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicCQbxcbUAKVAwJ5jqPL7Nu_XDjszcyvY0lDb6J7dOjGL5BaQHvya-SjiNMD2Vi8p0wnuHpJg7NMbORJwhIhOJhyC9ggtSDnxl_mKBa4W52kv5ORBJlDbMHzBDIe4cMwz1vUP3CLfpNcw/s320/P5040203.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My bone marrow.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWoFJkJXCIS_ibfdUtkxlWj8E00fdOsTdK84WUlred77c3dCi8qJmgypPWYAT-ttfaTh7qdcG_KKddMVKhb0OCrmLCLqmEDUp5SIZfyiiqHdv1Zs2aMce5rTevmfZhpFyt7m1XKvgTNDY/s1600/P5040204.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWoFJkJXCIS_ibfdUtkxlWj8E00fdOsTdK84WUlred77c3dCi8qJmgypPWYAT-ttfaTh7qdcG_KKddMVKhb0OCrmLCLqmEDUp5SIZfyiiqHdv1Zs2aMce5rTevmfZhpFyt7m1XKvgTNDY/s320/P5040204.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All the red is yours truly's bone marrow.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While laying on the bed recouping, different nurses came in to take some blood samples and before I knew it we were home in 3.5 hours. Walking up the stairs and seeing Myrtle content on my aunts lap was fantastic. Soon after, I was napping and now I'm blogging. So you are about as caught up as one could be.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4CRkphKbHiO3YLug0UEYTgZo9madueGgPBHOmedLcdlFRN6eRunp76WylZvy-SrKweFIrjxpx3U_ltc8hH83hyphenhyphen5CdEuqpwnIsSU1uEyxGs_BsTyIMGsk_U-HWuyaOuuXo6aNk6FECVRA/s1600/P5040210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4CRkphKbHiO3YLug0UEYTgZo9madueGgPBHOmedLcdlFRN6eRunp76WylZvy-SrKweFIrjxpx3U_ltc8hH83hyphenhyphen5CdEuqpwnIsSU1uEyxGs_BsTyIMGsk_U-HWuyaOuuXo6aNk6FECVRA/s320/P5040210.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At least five viles of blood taken here. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The doctor said that the bone marrow of multiple myeloma tends to be cloudy and mine wasn't, so that could be a sign I have plasmacytoma. They will know the results for sure in about two days and I'll know within ten days. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-89922297479570986492011-05-03T12:15:00.000-07:002011-05-03T22:36:29.756-07:00Living Like Howard HughesThe night before last I woke up very nauseated, I have had the flu before - this was not the flu. However the only way to describe it was I had flu-like symptoms, clammy cold sweats, burning hot and dizzy. Though I have never done it, I was sure I was dying. *Spoiler Alert* I did <i>not</i> die, was only mostly dead and went back to bed and woke up several hours later. All day I recouped enough to go out and vote, barely.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/xbE8E1ez97M?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>There's a few things I've learned from that and feel that it would be a waste to not share, no need to thank me in person, song or fable, just pass it on:<br />
<ul><li>Staying in your pj's all day is more enjoyable when by choice.</li>
<li>There are no fun cancerous big tumors, just better places to have one than on your hip.</li>
<li>Crutches don't tickle, but do leave large bruises. </li>
<li>All day on Facebook isn't the same as socializing in real life.</li>
</ul><div>Another thing I'm still learning is optimism really does help. Laughing at myself or my situation has been more helpful then anything, because when I haven't nothing has been more detrimental. I wish I could say that praying, happy thoughts and smiles are a super easy and a natural thing, perhaps one day it will be, for now it's a choice. A choice I choose over and over again because life is better that way.</div><div><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="body">Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. </span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="body">Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.</span><br />
<span class="bodybold">~Helen Keller</span></i></span></div><div><br />
</div><div>Yesterday physically sucked (can you say "suck" on the internet?) and emotionally, well, I've had better moments. As we all know, no matter how dark the night gets the suns always comes up, yesterday was no different. My parents popped by with some organic veggies and a quick hello; how fortunate I am to have them nearby and know that I'm loved. I was reminded yesterday that I get to live in a country where I can vote and I got to vote. Plus, I'm a husband and the father of Myrtle - recognizing blessings, AKA an attitude of gratitude cures all.<br />
<br />
</div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;">-Warning- </span> </b>If body fluids isn't your cup of tea, skip the paragraph below. If it is your cup of tea - gross.</div><div><br />
</div><div>This morning started off with a visit to my local medical lab where I picked up a container for my 24 hour urine sample. Yes, a 24 hour collection of pee! To live like Howard Hughes or a long haul trucker in my own home isn't a dream come true per se, but who likes getting off the couch? Faith on the other hand has very strongly expressed I should still act civilized, especially that we have three of my aunts and my grandma visiting today. </div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirkn_vJCnwXwqj3upBrKa4Xlek-RU-EAX6U8mKKbcTmAFfylnXXjhAJ9pgu59A2CmiQTW2TW4sLDuUGO-OP4QVxwJBkw2Po1WrjeRNqu-djB7kH_drnsuJ_H6v2ZCECyt6QRPrej4-C0c/s1600/P5030187.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirkn_vJCnwXwqj3upBrKa4Xlek-RU-EAX6U8mKKbcTmAFfylnXXjhAJ9pgu59A2CmiQTW2TW4sLDuUGO-OP4QVxwJBkw2Po1WrjeRNqu-djB7kH_drnsuJ_H6v2ZCECyt6QRPrej4-C0c/s320/P5030187.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A must have for every trucker.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;">After the lab we went to the hospital to meet with the radiation oncologist. It was a brief meeting where he went over his opinion of my test results thus far and his suggestion for treatment.</div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCIoRUQWFEJWGMZRXqqPiHpQB1_KZRLBmCpu2_qfw7JigsqTklaAtlen_5jUsMvUnQIUDVD1vazMUIvQh3EQ6KOYB8H_Ilp6msyMynONRNlDS30FgMKx7c-iKIB88009eRN70EZoUElDo/s1600/P5030220.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCIoRUQWFEJWGMZRXqqPiHpQB1_KZRLBmCpu2_qfw7JigsqTklaAtlen_5jUsMvUnQIUDVD1vazMUIvQh3EQ6KOYB8H_Ilp6msyMynONRNlDS30FgMKx7c-iKIB88009eRN70EZoUElDo/s320/P5030220.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The glove entertained Myrtle and Myrtle entertained us.</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div>He feels that I have plasmacytoma (due to my age) and suspects that if it is that I would not need chemo, just two minutes of radiation once a week for four weeks and that by summers end I'd be off my crutches and healed without any surgery. Sounds appealing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwhSG577sFbBkuAUDcf0lz2_u0CoGty2a0kmvnvuJ1xiSjeBOfF_Y_knqkiVTdDFbdh8SbjVMd8VRC1iZJMaw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div>Tomorrow is my bone marrow biopsy and a head to toe x-ray. By this weeks end I should have another CT scan done. By next week there will be a full diagnosis and prognosis. The soonest radiation would start would be in 2 weeks-ish. There are variables, such as if it is just plasmacytoma or if it's multiple myeloma and what stage its at, etc..</div><div><br />
</div><div>Well, I'm off to nap and dream of a crutches free long healthy life.</div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-19340136950027404482011-04-29T15:39:00.000-07:002011-04-29T22:45:48.013-07:00Penniless and Nearly Dead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHStz1F-B7eyNwZgFtwj8GyUWkGE1-oDNbWhPeQpQgeuEwkkgQP7PyvZHzTORSgwHkJ6nHja7_NhixXAfIZ7APfWdUtFHfBzr8DGyOdYAhLcTis-TUiJkJejKDycA0bi5GyqnhBsDlUxM/s1600/gossip.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHStz1F-B7eyNwZgFtwj8GyUWkGE1-oDNbWhPeQpQgeuEwkkgQP7PyvZHzTORSgwHkJ6nHja7_NhixXAfIZ7APfWdUtFHfBzr8DGyOdYAhLcTis-TUiJkJejKDycA0bi5GyqnhBsDlUxM/s200/gossip.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">One of the most unoriginal ways to ever introduce a topic is to use a dictionary definition - it's so over used. Last night's episode of The Office Michael Scott did just that to define superlative and Dwight Schrute. Since I'm</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;">(</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;">unoriginal and) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;">sad to see Michael Scott go, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;">I'll use the dictionary too</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;"> as a nod to him.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><em style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;">gos·sip</em><span style="font: normal normal normal smaller/normal 'Doulos SIL', Gentum, 'TITUS Cyberbit Basic', Junicode, 'Aborigonal Serif', 'Arial Unicode MS', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Chrysanthi Unicode'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0.7em; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">/ˈgäsip/</span></div><div class="s" style="max-width: 42em;"><div><span class="f" style="color: #767676;">Verb: </span>Engage in <b>gossip</b>.</div><div><span class="f" style="color: #767676;">Noun: </span>Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.</div><div><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">Though gossip is associated with harming ones character, in my scientifically unproven guesstimation it isn't usually malicious. People natter about life and who they know and everyone has an opinion. No biggie. Of course hearing back what other people say about your life can be quite weird and confusing. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6lKhjKYtHMTvI9qrJFCzIdErO_43tsXvW0r-8x8MvXae8hWM7LegLhEILZKZGIWVVphS9EidJ8EUq3zx7-YL5bUGD3W0P7kJfI7YaoYQ4jinFdr3kHAadqF5TdulkqalY713b72zAmQ/s1600/Picture+28.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6lKhjKYtHMTvI9qrJFCzIdErO_43tsXvW0r-8x8MvXae8hWM7LegLhEILZKZGIWVVphS9EidJ8EUq3zx7-YL5bUGD3W0P7kJfI7YaoYQ4jinFdr3kHAadqF5TdulkqalY713b72zAmQ/s1600/Picture+28.png" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">My friend called to ask if it was true of what he heard, that we were penniless and Faith was missing meals due to bare cupboards. Regarding Faith missing meals, nope, not true. She eats well and often. Fortunately when she heard that, she laughed it off and said "Nope, skinny from just breast-feeding!" Addressing the penniless allegation they say a picture is worth a thousand words...</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI_y9DDzoU-o0ujeIZOT5cjFO0KlDr-96CNPnZsWr95Re7UDuUmfERLXkO4IhM3PI77XTxdsrfD-r19RTkR-c3w5BBU8UEqznZtMwnVzMWcUgYrCbLcZ9iBo_9fAL2N18V9uFsbTPjabk/s1600/P4290189.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI_y9DDzoU-o0ujeIZOT5cjFO0KlDr-96CNPnZsWr95Re7UDuUmfERLXkO4IhM3PI77XTxdsrfD-r19RTkR-c3w5BBU8UEqznZtMwnVzMWcUgYrCbLcZ9iBo_9fAL2N18V9uFsbTPjabk/s320/P4290189.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our financial advisor. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Money is tight, absolutely. Almost everyone at some point has to tighten their purse strings and forgo shopping trips to Dubai. Pretty much everyone I know has had a lean time or is going through one now. We're a frugal family from frugal families and we're making it work. Myrtle is clothed, sheltered and clearly she is fed, loved and very happy. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My friend calling didn't share the first piece of gossip I've heard in the past two months. Of course I can't address every rumour, but here's the top five:</span></span></div><br />
<ol><li style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">True: It was me who wrote The Book of Love. You are most welcome. </span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">False: Ruban's tumor was not brought on by eating kiwi seeds. Though it is the size of a kiwi, it is <i>only</i> a giant malignant tumor cell.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">True: Myrtle is really cuter in person.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">False: I did not make my fortune sharking people in seedy underground Scrabble tournaments. I won it all fair and square.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Unconfirmed: I'm the love child of Steven Page (former Barenaked Ladies singer) and Will Smith. Maury Povich, are you reading?</span></span></li>
</ol><br />
<div class="s" style="max-width: 42em;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir5tBTOtUFZO1VnoOeifzb5WvyAkuB4O_SC-YfSlf3NizEwUuVG1kJyuAvDFdVD2_0pvAFUuH4vcezJ_cV0qU1fywJbyit5mzitj2mPtpflR8fZ7pKvWw06sGPxpB5v8rRd5u8E3kmLzk/s1600/StevenPage.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir5tBTOtUFZO1VnoOeifzb5WvyAkuB4O_SC-YfSlf3NizEwUuVG1kJyuAvDFdVD2_0pvAFUuH4vcezJ_cV0qU1fywJbyit5mzitj2mPtpflR8fZ7pKvWw06sGPxpB5v8rRd5u8E3kmLzk/s200/StevenPage.jpeg" width="200" /></span></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2NhzLUAV4k22UEjpZIAn83oC-rJJfUebpa9T807JYo_j-06UVtFnjczUFeKAnY64Ktgz1QnoQviT4K7EaTzZ8Fl_16segCmrlNC2OiLe5UgfJDjzcyw1xIptD0m_ulkSFPy0LzOIJL0E/s1600/willsmith08-12-18.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2NhzLUAV4k22UEjpZIAn83oC-rJJfUebpa9T807JYo_j-06UVtFnjczUFeKAnY64Ktgz1QnoQviT4K7EaTzZ8Fl_16segCmrlNC2OiLe5UgfJDjzcyw1xIptD0m_ulkSFPy0LzOIJL0E/s200/willsmith08-12-18.jpeg" width="200" /></a></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's true I'm not able to work at the moment and haven't been since I was injured at work last September. Until Will Smith admits I'm his son it's unlikely I'll have millions fall into my lap. Money does help and it does solve some problems. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My friend calling to ask is what I'd expect a friend to do. What he heard was obvisouly from someone who felt closer to him to ask him and not me; nothing at all mean about that. It wasn't really gossip either, just someone concerned. I added a DONATE button if anyone wants to help out that way (yes it is safe and secure and it goes to our family). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Really though, the only thing I have ever asked for is to please pray for my family. When I pray expressing that I want to live a long life, one where I contribute and provide for my family I get to add my prayer to yours, asking that I would be healed. It's humbling and encouraging that others are praying for my little family. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A cousin wrote to me before the cancer diagnosis "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px;">I really liked your most recent post about prayer -- it made me think that in addition to praying that the tumor will be benign, I will also be praying to know what I can do for you and your family." I can't ask for more than that, and I won't need to if that's what my friends and family are doing.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcRf-bvScJEohu5h1Q1hKxPvWQd3j4cb1nJ1aXDhVEyRJ251gTSTmxmiaU4ATpsqnd8tD34_O8yGJC5zP-e_4Nf_kIgcmPiaPGvG33yD6cKa4wp2Aiw-4Q4RSE8NFLgzeiuwni0zw1iCg/s1600/title-newsflash.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcRf-bvScJEohu5h1Q1hKxPvWQd3j4cb1nJ1aXDhVEyRJ251gTSTmxmiaU4ATpsqnd8tD34_O8yGJC5zP-e_4Nf_kIgcmPiaPGvG33yD6cKa4wp2Aiw-4Q4RSE8NFLgzeiuwni0zw1iCg/s200/title-newsflash.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkHbkk-z3zFg8FsQPHcHCLl4lO_tvQG7V7LyY-DMlq6fxvydcez5XcY3X_0RL2KCGq6LvgHCJhcZAp_eo4w_6sf5mCxjpx4Y0Q3vmvSA4Nlg2gdNKFpnRF7ZWcGG4qQj7U0upGkjcm3uU/s1600/124_news_flash.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkHbkk-z3zFg8FsQPHcHCLl4lO_tvQG7V7LyY-DMlq6fxvydcez5XcY3X_0RL2KCGq6LvgHCJhcZAp_eo4w_6sf5mCxjpx4Y0Q3vmvSA4Nlg2gdNKFpnRF7ZWcGG4qQj7U0upGkjcm3uU/s200/124_news_flash.jpeg" width="200" /></a><br />
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</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Literally while writing this blog the mail came and Faith brought me my very first "Get Well" card! Other cards have been given (thank you), but it takes faith to give a "Get Well" card to someone with cancer. I wept happy tears when I saw that. Support, love, hope and faith is what anyone ever needs and I'm so very grateful to get it. I absolutley believe I will get well. </span></span></div></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In summary people talk about people, nothing mean was meant and zero offense taken. I wouldn't doubt that someone has said "What?! Ruban said that about me?" It comes with the territory of being human and I'm happy anyone cares, so talk away. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shifting gears, my next oncoligist appointment is on May 3rd, and my bone marrow biopsy is on May 4th. I'll also be getting a bone scan, blood test and donating blood for cancer research. </span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-12566988536786797492011-04-27T18:50:00.000-07:002011-04-27T19:05:03.563-07:00Nuts & Bolts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhASibWYrpbjT5kmZE_T_h24AiCsJMFAm81sqHkKyt9CmapBDbqGl7KjR2YvOgy3Wl6yXLkEOTjzL8ycRbnkObU8DBFNuIQSxlLeEUW4JWUZGEX49_8TJTzliMNMpEYA8FDiAvWFB4v8/s1600/nuts.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhASibWYrpbjT5kmZE_T_h24AiCsJMFAm81sqHkKyt9CmapBDbqGl7KjR2YvOgy3Wl6yXLkEOTjzL8ycRbnkObU8DBFNuIQSxlLeEUW4JWUZGEX49_8TJTzliMNMpEYA8FDiAvWFB4v8/s200/nuts.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMysMrYYpjgeNx3na9i0Xe3hB1eG6EMlv5fgTj3NBd_ev2ApbPQFopa2xNnSfLwWsYkpJnYmFK4xxZjc3DTRxKHWutMTL31b7n1Qru_gVNolCPOjuynk1JJePolksUK6hubMCHH_MAZP4/s1600/lens5995872_1248087082frankenstein.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMysMrYYpjgeNx3na9i0Xe3hB1eG6EMlv5fgTj3NBd_ev2ApbPQFopa2xNnSfLwWsYkpJnYmFK4xxZjc3DTRxKHWutMTL31b7n1Qru_gVNolCPOjuynk1JJePolksUK6hubMCHH_MAZP4/s200/lens5995872_1248087082frankenstein.jpeg" width="149" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My meeting with the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiotherapy">radiation</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oncologist">oncologist</a> was rescheduled to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_3rd">May 3rd</a>, so today was just with the drug therapy <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oncologist">oncologist</a>. He explained what <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plasmacytoma">plasmacytoma</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_myeloma">multiple myeloma (MM)</a> are and that if I have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_myeloma">MM</a> I'll be seeing him and if I have just <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plasmacytoma">plasmacytoma</a> I'll be seeing the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiotherapy">radiation</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oncologist">oncologist</a> only. How do I find out what's what? Well, I get a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone_marrow_biopsy">bone marrow biopsy</a>, the same one I was told I'd get a month ago. When though?<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emmett_Brown"> Doc</a> said to call him if I don't hear by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday">Friday</a> morning. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today's appointment was less informative then a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia">Wikipedia</a> entry. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe next blog will be more interesting. Everybody loves a mystery, perhaps a comedy or sci-fi. Not every blog can be unnecessarily long winded and rampant with grammatical errors; sometimes life is just the nuts and bolts. </span></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-78759860913710175182011-04-26T23:19:00.000-07:002011-04-27T00:20:21.038-07:00How I Merrily Cope<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An aunty of mine who has yet to venture into the realms of Facebook, so she shall remain nameless here, emailed me the morning after my last blog "...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">I am very interested in your diet. ... I could use some tips... So if you don't want to write that "long boring blog" on this subject, I would appreciate the reader's digest version when you have a couple of minutes."</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seeing as I have a couple minutes Aunty, I will write here for you and anyone else who is interested may peek. Those who aren't can <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ">click here</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">When I got the tumor news I was shaken up and normally I would grab my chips and ice cream to comort. Something in me told me that might not be such a good idea. Soon Faith noticed the change and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">when I turned down ice cream </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">asked perplexed "...Because of the tumor?" I think we all instinctively know there's truth to "we are what we eat."</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; line-height: 15px;">Let your food be medicine and your medicine be food....</span></i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>~ Hippocrates </i></span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Being someone who has tipped the scale past 300lbs and can fluctuate 20lbs easily - I know my food vices. I know how to feel if a Ben & Jerry's container is fresh (its top and bottom of container has no air pockets). I even have, or should I say had, my method of eating a bag of chips (lick one side, flip it, then put in your mouth = maximizing the flavor). </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgITD2HnNFde0V6c1t7aCM-hWFOLiwZtCsJ4nSAvobiCHPp0VG7AB-eYUzfyFupkKFm2y8VEk36OEumSJAdNFDrMMflIqEmqvh-rWJj2Mli78FJzDI1kZlemI_aKiQUYWuiebeSyNq8KoA/s1600/photo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgITD2HnNFde0V6c1t7aCM-hWFOLiwZtCsJ4nSAvobiCHPp0VG7AB-eYUzfyFupkKFm2y8VEk36OEumSJAdNFDrMMflIqEmqvh-rWJj2Mli78FJzDI1kZlemI_aKiQUYWuiebeSyNq8KoA/s400/photo.jpeg" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">During my Rubenesque period. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Okay, getting off track here with memory lane. What I'm getting at is even with no formal dietician training, I was able to deduce that what I eat has an impact on my well being, including mental and spiritual. Googling "food health codes religions" we see on the top three results are Hindus, Mormons and Seventh Day Adventists. One doesn't have to look long to find a few words of wisdom that when adhered to can improve ones spirit and health.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibaXd3kW4m-fatwwwaK_vyCyTqyRrKNWw62cTE4nOV3OeMaLpiGoY0rFrkMDiJovclEsQvc83_42g2Z0JQqwWLqkmq0EHvgJXl8Utrcq6innAymQl_XlZzjZ-SBLcHaAI8z4BhaEjGcnk/s1600/Picture+24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibaXd3kW4m-fatwwwaK_vyCyTqyRrKNWw62cTE4nOV3OeMaLpiGoY0rFrkMDiJovclEsQvc83_42g2Z0JQqwWLqkmq0EHvgJXl8Utrcq6innAymQl_XlZzjZ-SBLcHaAI8z4BhaEjGcnk/s320/Picture+24.png" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not really wanting to go deep into my diet, but I did see a reputable nutritionist and got some tests done and was recommended a few adjustments. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46BSIBhB_CfIOPBoD3ZtDq-LndhP1nqGzVvwaO3EnRAXlzOiP5qaNBfSjvbkAemBWeUMwjeieCsk7L_gsDWtZtaDuaZwn6rSepm5Al8NI53WQ5ClEFnAhkX_0g4VrXUH_pbKLAHpv8Sc/s1600/Picture+26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46BSIBhB_CfIOPBoD3ZtDq-LndhP1nqGzVvwaO3EnRAXlzOiP5qaNBfSjvbkAemBWeUMwjeieCsk7L_gsDWtZtaDuaZwn6rSepm5Al8NI53WQ5ClEFnAhkX_0g4VrXUH_pbKLAHpv8Sc/s400/Picture+26.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What have been the results? Well let's start with me on my bathroom scale prior to the change in diet:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2oiYmWDIVg92jcg8rGhNGAYtvmGUZM3GRCrBj5dihid563ku9Eepi7kIJj9EyczhgHM1iHx_g9XH7ZwlBYsFKrEUowSKYzzqFM7w9xHwL2KSVpi6kw61bNoPzVdzfTFwaSE5T3bIjciE/s1600/P2070186.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2oiYmWDIVg92jcg8rGhNGAYtvmGUZM3GRCrBj5dihid563ku9Eepi7kIJj9EyczhgHM1iHx_g9XH7ZwlBYsFKrEUowSKYzzqFM7w9xHwL2KSVpi6kw61bNoPzVdzfTFwaSE5T3bIjciE/s320/P2070186.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now I am about to get up and take a photo of me on it now...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWSRlJ2tGWLIgjhVDlkS-Mtd5iTYsuK3R4Mhpo71QmCDn69_XWE8VIu4iV7VAgpEOol2pI_wnr-p6-boJGZuIpiWuYmMdmz8FpLHU_mBMORftYxkHVz7tt-HkpxUUP5V9BcZTx96QlBb4/s1600/P4270219.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWSRlJ2tGWLIgjhVDlkS-Mtd5iTYsuK3R4Mhpo71QmCDn69_XWE8VIu4iV7VAgpEOol2pI_wnr-p6-boJGZuIpiWuYmMdmz8FpLHU_mBMORftYxkHVz7tt-HkpxUUP5V9BcZTx96QlBb4/s320/P4270219.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not dieting to lose weight, it was just a byproduct. Dieting might not be the right word either, rather I have adjusted my eating habits to what my body needs instead of what my emotions want. I haven't gone hungry in the slightest and my cravings for junk have pretty much disappeared. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm eating organic where and when possible. Monday we just started receiving locally grown and organic food delivery program. For anyone in Victoria interested here's the link <a href="http://www.localfarmsdelivery.ca/">www.localfarmsdelivery.ca</a> and it's cheaper than buying at the store, plus their bread is apparently fantastic. I don't know how much meat I was eating before but now I try to keep it around 10% of my intake. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In summary how I merrily cope with this diet change in eating whole unprocessed foods is that it has aided in my mental clarity. My attention span has increased, my mood has improved (slower to get annoyed, even Will & Kate talk rolls off my back), creative thinking and comprehension has improved. My mom has noted that I've gone from a pasty white to having more color in my cheeks. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All I wanted was to eat better to increase my likelihood of optimum healing from cancer, much </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">more important than weight loss</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Other benefits have been new recipes to try out and the discovery of sugar/dairy/gluten free coconut milk ice cream has been fantastic. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6GtYl0Lcdfk-nV9IxtPxjKKW1aDssehKY_7xvpjkOtOHm08SO0w8XsGtodj2utqHrBL4Ojx-hVvzYkTdUaVGR9S7ftcKKn5zsCMdmmFRnJI77lq2o5XolqOS2hTowh7SI-AuKxVpCKAs/s320/P4270221.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I would write more but I have this to eat. nom nom nom</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><i>Please, if you have any gluten/dairy/sugar free recipes, tips or websites please share them! I'm a newbie and can use some guidance. </i></span></span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-9854695105667380882011-04-25T03:45:00.000-07:002011-04-25T04:00:57.880-07:00Serenity Now<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">My personality has usually been somewhere between a people pleaser and "I want it my way" attitude. Not quite a dynamic combo on a good day and now that doesn't serve me at all. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">On Thursday I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> was feeling good and I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> wanted to have daddy daughter time, that would allow Faith to go run errands easily. "Go, go, go! I'll call if we need you" I said to Faith knowing Myrtle and I would be fine. "Besides, Myrtle is ready for a nap." Faith went and before I knew it I was too exhausted to pick up Myrtle. I mustered all I had to put in her crib for a nap and sat down on the recliner wanting to nap too. Myrtle cried and her cry was that of a need not being met (later learned she just needed a diaper change). We needed momma. I called Faith, left a voicemail then texted her.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheWuz8Y5gED6sv5Qc5lLk5oUyBkbjIhOsb8cgtnY-BYzFSsAd4saWsK6O4AHZqWH8qdZEu-hpctxVFC7fX0fJO050ZSTXZyBnntrKpT6afOf55FI6W69FJLQmlnX0YigOSyeM_fG8TN2Y/s1600/ScreenShot_2011-04-25_02-35-26_by_s4bb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheWuz8Y5gED6sv5Qc5lLk5oUyBkbjIhOsb8cgtnY-BYzFSsAd4saWsK6O4AHZqWH8qdZEu-hpctxVFC7fX0fJO050ZSTXZyBnntrKpT6afOf55FI6W69FJLQmlnX0YigOSyeM_fG8TN2Y/s320/ScreenShot_2011-04-25_02-35-26_by_s4bb.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I then called my parents to come, by that time I was in near tears - exhausted, frustrated, confused and betrayed by my body. In the meantime I brought Myrtle to her to toy box and laid there while she climbed over me until my folks came and minutes later Faith. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">How very frustrating not being able to give Faith some time to run the home, or to bond with Myrtle and needing to call my parents for help. This is <i>not</i> how I pictured the life of a man in his 30's. My body seemed to have ditched me. I couldn't "people please" or get my own way. <b>NEVER</b> have I felt more useless. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">There have been other times where things have gone south or just not as expected, but not being able to be the father I think Myrtle needs was the <b>worst</b> experience of my life. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Lying at her toy box I just surrendered myself - it brought me to a compelled humility - I don't regret it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">I thought of the Serenity Prayer written by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Reinhold Niebuhr:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> </span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><i>God, </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><i>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><i>Courage to change the things I can, </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><i>And wisdom to know the difference.</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Pretty wise words of wisdom to adopt, however I just ended up thinking of the "Serenity Now" Seinfeld episode; which is good as laughter is the best medicine. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/5513mXmQbw4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Not being able to work has lead to an interesting "hardship" that has bothered me a bit and that is people helping. I love helping people, love it. Receiving help? Uh, ...I don't hate it per se, but i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">t implies I need help and being </span><i style="line-height: 19px;">the provider</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> that's big horse pill to swallow.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> It's a good uncomfortable feeling that people have reached out, even </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">WONDERFUL. Ladies from church have dropped off meals (even once a husband came along too) and that provided Faith much needed relief as she has now two babies to take care of. There have been kind words given via comments on this blog, Facebook, email, snail mail, phone calls, etc. People have contributed other ways and almost without exception I'm pleasantly surprised who has shown their support. Who I can now call a friend and who is welcome in my home has been expanded.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do accept the things I cannot change, whether its just my diagnosis or that chemo might make me lose my hair. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">My prayers include asking for c</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">ourage to change the things I can and that is the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29_uSlEEPSk">golden ticket</a>, focusing on what can be done, rather than what can't. I can be more honest with myself with what really matters to me. I now am pursuing hobbies and interests for whatever reason where not chased before.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Another change I can do is my diet. There's probably a long boring blog I could do on that topic alone. Contrary from me dropping from exhaustion, the changes in my diet have made me feel fantastic. My mood has improved, my mental clarity has changed from a mental fog to sunshine. Plus I've dropped a few pounds. I would attack tough times before armed with chips and ice cream (good-bye old friends). My father-in-law asked what I would eat once I "could have real food again" and I replied "I may never go back... But, if I would it'd be jalapeno chips."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">The best change though for me is an increased optimistic attitude. I've only embarrassed myself anytime I've been negative - what a sad way to live. Not long ago someone I know was mocking the idea that one can do anything if they just put their mind to it. In my head I replied "Said the person who watches TV, has a laptop, drives a car..." We all use things everyday that are modern miracles dreamed of and built by people who were mocked for trying, but embraced the idea that one can indeed do anything if they just put their mind to it.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/a_yW3152Ffc/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/a_yW3152Ffc&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/a_yW3152Ffc&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/wxaCIBvqZbk?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Armed now with prayer, modern medicine, a healthier diet and optimism not only will I live longer than otherwise, I will also live a life worth living. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My all time favorite movie is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaA_fSYfmTQ">Cast Away</a> and it's best line is "...I know what I have to do now. I got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow, the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?" </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXHJlVrxJvjWxXNSPDPvaGutJ-g2fCxIZwQ7qIl_KLcLUmTVgSk5EvO5YED-TVyfjoc_TfW90HZN_tM0ytaBpytwHCzTVCtXaOWh_02IM7iQU_qSyLHnNwHwJeAlfGX-KiZfmmuDadR1w/s1600/P4230260.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXHJlVrxJvjWxXNSPDPvaGutJ-g2fCxIZwQ7qIl_KLcLUmTVgSk5EvO5YED-TVyfjoc_TfW90HZN_tM0ytaBpytwHCzTVCtXaOWh_02IM7iQU_qSyLHnNwHwJeAlfGX-KiZfmmuDadR1w/s320/P4230260.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching the tide come in...</td></tr>
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</span>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-23364150141492609792011-04-20T02:03:00.000-07:002011-04-20T14:24:31.814-07:00Dear Myrtle,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"></span><br />
<h1 style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #003399;">“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0b5394;">” <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><i>~ Washington Irving</i></span></span></h1><br />
<br />
Dear Myrtle,<br />
<br />
Last week Grandma Rebalkin asked me how I was coping with my cancer, I replied "It's been about week since I cried so I must be doing better." You might know by now that I cry easily, in my defense I am the baby of my family. But then again I also thought watching your birth was beautiful - it was.<br />
<br />
<br />
This past Sunday you and momma were at church while I stayed home. I wanted to be there with you, watching you smile at everyone, I especially love how you're mesmerized by the singing and that you "sing" along too. Since it's a joy to share with you things that bring me joy, I would take you to my Sunday school class. Going to church doesn't make us better than anyone, but going has made me a better person and maybe one day you too will feel that.<br />
<br />
Tonight after momma went to bed you woke up crying. I went into your room and you stopped once I picked you up. Myrtle, when you cry I know your needs are not being met, or you think your needs are not being met, or you're just not getting what you want. You don't cry a lot and you are very, very happy most of the time.<br />
<br />
Myrtle, I too cry when I don't get what I want or what I think I need. Just so you know you can always cry with me. But if I'm not there, you can pray for comfort and know your daddy loves you.<br />
<br />
You play so well with older children that I have said to mommy that "It's too bad Myrtle doesn't have older siblings." You would be such a great big sister too, you already smile at and hug other babies, you're full of love. People ask me and momma how many children we want and the truth is there is no number. You're perfect, I'm thrilled to be your daddy and I would also LOVE for you to have sisters and brothers too.<br />
<br />
Myrtle sweetie, I'm sick, so your daddy's doctor said for me to get better I would need radiation. Since the radiation will be on my hip it might stop you from having any brothers or sisters. I thought about this while you were at church with momma. Being home alone I felt very alone and I cried, really cried "like a baby."<br />
<br />
Even though you fight bed time and diaper changes, after it's done you know that you're still loved. Myrtle it's <i>because you're loved</i> it's done. I trust in my Father in Heaven, like how you trust me. My cancer is tough on the family but when it's done, maybe years or several decades later, we will know why it happened and we'll be better for it.<br />
<br />
Trust that your Father in Heaven knows what He is doing and that your daddy here is doing his best with what he knows.<br />
<br />
Myrtle you are loved, wanted, prayed for and you can wake me up any time.<br />
<br />
With love,<br />
<br />
Daddy<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOw4aRUYWfyuVpiofLv5tK-m7_35sCA-XU5Y_i2BnCON4H7HGDxPxTc5Py5ZRTJ3kg02A6Gx2KhtDiJGE2oyUgUh9ZBZA5inS0WMJGH8mJ6xoWM56u30nUJMN9zsO4q053VL-_u6-KMN8/s1600/P4190204.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOw4aRUYWfyuVpiofLv5tK-m7_35sCA-XU5Y_i2BnCON4H7HGDxPxTc5Py5ZRTJ3kg02A6Gx2KhtDiJGE2oyUgUh9ZBZA5inS0WMJGH8mJ6xoWM56u30nUJMN9zsO4q053VL-_u6-KMN8/s320/P4190204.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">March 19th 2011, Goldstream Park</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-32811562638310015372011-04-18T14:07:00.000-07:002011-04-18T14:25:58.753-07:00Every Rose Has Its Thorn<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I was around twelve years old and maybe a little older then I'd like to admit, one of the '80's glam hair bands I listened to was Poison. Like most everyone else, I grew up and stopped listening to them. Then there was some news in 2010 that their lead singer <a href="http://cdn2.iofferphoto.com/img/item/626/995/41/17uR59uJOKLv0ra.jpg">Brett Michaels</a> had a brain hemmorage. Out of nowhere some of Poison's old songs popped in my head and I found myself reminiscing their hits on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMqjGywYOI8">YouTube</a>. Like magic his fans and the media shone the spotlight on him once more. </span><br />
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<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have no idea whether Brett Michaels is back in good health and that's where I feel I can relate. My road to recovery looks to be long, perhaps the toughest days are ahead. I wonder who will care when Myrtle and Faith need support the most and 'Ruban having cancer' is old news. That's not to say people don't truly care now (they do) and won't later (they will). Plus it might be unfair to compare my families life to an '80's glam hair band. I'm hopeful that unlike Poison, our little band's best days are ahead of us. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Actually the outpouring of love has been overwhelming. I'm stunned and speechless to who has reached out and how. Thank you for all the email and snail-mail. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's humbling to be in this position. Any distance walked longer than our home I need to use crutches. Anywhere I drive I need someone driving me. My ten month old girl is beginning to move faster then me. Sitting down on a regular chair is best kept under 30 minutes. I could go on, but suffice it to say it has been an adjustment physically and emotionally since my oncologist said "There's no point to go back to work."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being home the vast majority of the time must be a peek into what it's like living in a seniors home. Like them I spend most of the time in a recliner, read the news, scoff at idiot politicians, and I wait for people to come visit and try to talk them into staying longer (mental note: must buy more <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><em style="font-style: normal;">Werther's Original</em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"> Hard Candy). Fortunately, as of now Myrtle is the only one in a diaper here. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">Recently I read a story worth sharing:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><div class="" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #2f393a; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2011/04/your-potential-your-privilege.p1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">There once was a man whose lifelong dream was to board a cruise ship and sail the Mediterranean Sea. He dreamed of walking the streets of Rome, Athens, and Istanbul. He saved every penny until he had enough for his passage. Since money was tight, he brought an extra suitcase filled with cans of beans, boxes of crackers, and bags of powdered lemonade, and that is what he lived on every day.</span></div><div class="" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #2f393a; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2011/04/your-potential-your-privilege.p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">He would have loved to take part in the many activities offered on the ship—working out in the gym, playing miniature golf, and swimming in the pool. He envied those who went to movies, shows, and cultural presentations. And, oh, how he yearned for only a taste of the amazing food he saw on the ship—every meal appeared to be a feast! But the man wanted to spend so very little money that he didn’t participate in any of these. He was able to see the cities he had longed to visit, but for the most part of the journey, he stayed in his cabin and ate only his humble food.</span></div><div class="" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #2f393a; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2011/04/your-potential-your-privilege.p3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">On the last day of the cruise, a crew member asked him which of the farewell parties he would be attending. It was then that the man learned that not only the farewell party but almost everything on board the cruise ship—the food, the entertainment, all the activities—had been included in the price of his ticket. Too late the man realized that he had been living far beneath his privileges.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #2f393a; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2011/04/your-potential-your-privilege.p3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course I'm on a different journey of sorts, and it's much too early to have a farewell party. Recently I have focused too much on what I can't do thus ignoring what I can do. Before the tumor I planted on my window sill several seeds to be transfered when they were big enough and the weather was favorable. Thinking about how that man missed out his journey of a lifetime I decided to transfer those plants from pot to soil. Faith brought Myrtle outside and we mucked in the soil. The girls soon went inside to eat dinner and get ready for bed, but I kept on. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wD8dH-JZCSZ3sm4xE29IA7P0fUuZSOCli4_6BECo-JRqlHrZFXBA3b3cp3hUMLE2snb3wSiFUEOP4dzQcixwZVCJ8B1sw5KUOcSyZGVahO1JPqpOeR9a9kz8z1-u6jiKALO-dA9CJuQ/s1600/Langford-20110416-00078.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wD8dH-JZCSZ3sm4xE29IA7P0fUuZSOCli4_6BECo-JRqlHrZFXBA3b3cp3hUMLE2snb3wSiFUEOP4dzQcixwZVCJ8B1sw5KUOcSyZGVahO1JPqpOeR9a9kz8z1-u6jiKALO-dA9CJuQ/s320/Langford-20110416-00078.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Canada has lax child labour laws.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #2f393a; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/general-conference/2011/04/your-potential-your-privilege.p3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As cars passed by me I could hear them say (in my head) "Isn't that the guy on crutches with cancer? He should be resting." My reply back was "I am that guy, I'm not dead and mind your own business!" When done I surrendered to a long hot shower and decided to no longer live beneath my privileges. </span></div></div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6307671069792746473.post-57997802514554215262011-04-11T20:15:00.000-07:002011-04-11T23:02:43.045-07:00Enquiring Minds Want To Know<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The oncologist in Vancouver said I would know what my bone marrow biopsy results were in a week or two and I haven't had a bone marrow biopsy yet. That was exactly 2 weeks ago. What can I say, he gave bad info.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because of that, after the first week I was very anxious to hear from someone and I started calling my family doctor and he was away sick. I left a voicemail at the oncologist's office in Vancouver whose assistant called back to say they faxed it to my doctor who was away sick. Then it was faxed to the doctor who found the tumor and he didn't bother calling me for 3 days. After me calling 4 times he finally called last Thursday as he was driving and had no info in front of him and said that I had only plasmacytoma. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I realized a little later that I couldn't put much stock into his unprofessional reckless "diagnosis" because one needs to have a bone marrow biopsy to determine that it is only plasmacytoma. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This afternoon I saw my family doctor who was generous with his time and went over what was faxed over by the oncologist. The fax had no certain diagnosis of plasmacytoma, rather it said they think I have it and I would need a biopsy to find that out if it's also multiple myeloma.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My GP said the reason why the biopsy wasn't done yesterday or sooner was because the nature of plasmacytoma and multiple myeloma is that its not really urgent as treatment within a month or two doesn't make a difference. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fortunately lots of people have cared to ask details. So it makes sense for me to give a few details from what I understand in a nut shell:</span><br />
<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Plasmacytoma is a blood cancer, I have plasmacytoma. The tumor is about the size of a kiwi, it's malignant and was brought on by the plasmacytoma.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I have multiple tumors then that means I have multiple myeloma.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Plasmacytoma can later become multiple myeloma.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no cure for multiple myeloma, just treatment.</span></li>
</ul><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My GP said today I could live from anywhere from a year to a decade and treatment progresses all the time and who knows it could be decades before I die.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My next meetings are on April 27th and after that there would be some type of timeline of when the biopsy is to see if I have multiple myeloma and begin treatment. The treatment would probably be radiation based mainly and all done in Victoria. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Imagine answering and repeating all the above each and every time you talk to someone. It can wear thin. I am so very, very, very glad that anyone cares enough to ask, I really am. Please understand though if I referred you to my blog it's not that I'm being short with you, in fact it just means I'd rather have a conversation about Myrtle, the Royal wedding, the weather, politics, Oprah and Gayle (are they?), is Regis Philbin retiring too young?, trade waxing techniques, how amazing your dog or cat is, whether Donald Trump will really run for president, the benefits of jazzercising, hormone free meat, or if man really did walk on the moon (nope).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But if I bring up cancer you will know I'm <i>needing</i> to talk. If you read this and you bring it up then I know you <i>need</i> to talk about it and I'll be game. It's not a taboo topic around me (I am blogging about it after all), however I am well read and can talk and learn about other topics too.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another fun topic is how I am doing physically:</span><br />
<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sitting down hurts in about 20-30 minutes most of the time</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">standing for about 5 minutes I begin to ache and would rather sit</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lying down on my back is uncomfortable pretty quick unless its a thick foamy or comfy couch</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the tumor causes muscles spasms and I get a lot of twitches in my left leg</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the side of my left thigh sometimes "falls asleep" and sometimes it feel like its on fire</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my spine sometimes feels like its creaking like an old lady</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">when I turn my neck or <a href="http://www.vevo.com/watch/willow/whip-my-hair/USSM21001602">whip my hair back and forth</a> it can hurt and I can hear it crack like knuckles</span></li>
</ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can and do:</span></div><div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">walk without crutches, but can walk much further with them</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">get up and shower & shave, dress myself and am awake all day</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">empty the dishwasher, do laundry, get the mail</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stand and hold Myrtle briefly or walk carefully around the room with her</span></li>
</ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not on my death bed or anything. Well if I do die right here and now, it would be my death recliner. But I'm pretty sure I'm not on my death recliner either. </span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My GP said it is best I stay on crutches, not to travel (fly, road trips, Tour de France, etc.) and to look at working maybe in maybe 5 months to a year.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most importantly I feel more mentally alert then I have in the past month. My body is sure appreciating me eating healthier and ironically I am feeling healthier too.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that not everyone has something to say or knows what to say and that's okay. That said, those that have expressed something I greatly appreciate it. Anything from "I read your blog" to "We're thinking of you" helps me to stay focused and cheers me up to know you're in my corner. Every <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">little</span> bit is a <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">huge</span></b> help.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday the president of my church's primary dropped off a "heart attack", all the primary children made cards made of hearts, 42 in all. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU83vQb4E4I6BOZPpLnLP0ndqJEJjR6kI2iSd4HiVqDuMIPJO1Aqj13FPVzrh26fujgHNwwRouphdsHmCeI_kH0F7mehMzFEbctNPqc5UIIezbVaklKig33znsOnekG34hbk9_gAmXBhc/s1600/P4110253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU83vQb4E4I6BOZPpLnLP0ndqJEJjR6kI2iSd4HiVqDuMIPJO1Aqj13FPVzrh26fujgHNwwRouphdsHmCeI_kH0F7mehMzFEbctNPqc5UIIezbVaklKig33znsOnekG34hbk9_gAmXBhc/s320/P4110253.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I miss being in primary, singing along to the songs, enjoying the enthusiasm of the children. I would bring Myrtle with me, it was special to share her with the kids. My class (8-9 yr olds) called her the "class baby". I know not all 42 know me more than being the bald guy, but they all seem to know Myrtle. </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie8sM1px8lLuNqK8GTQARMcY19VQQ8IBKBXg6mT-j9LPQTfhzKTFyhA_DSLjQDcxR6M0vnQbNZMBpLtHuxPBfjwqDItfS6lRxevVyarauoTQb0MhFShyphenhyphenL95xYEte_SnL5yDsu_FfDSh7A/s1600/P4110254.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie8sM1px8lLuNqK8GTQARMcY19VQQ8IBKBXg6mT-j9LPQTfhzKTFyhA_DSLjQDcxR6M0vnQbNZMBpLtHuxPBfjwqDItfS6lRxevVyarauoTQb0MhFShyphenhyphenL95xYEte_SnL5yDsu_FfDSh7A/s320/P4110254.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"we want you alive not dead" Me too Jaden!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs2C6F4zi5ATJCdzMHE_9P9nrG-6fKstikoHiHAP26wAuAxzZTS4fyikFVuSRG_Wik9aSdulVjDSu8wzGDSLkNhGQCnKWGH-N7bjRywV_3uf9SgnXgYTCMxNn6aewqrjJX1W6I0ifwPU/s1600/P4110255.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs2C6F4zi5ATJCdzMHE_9P9nrG-6fKstikoHiHAP26wAuAxzZTS4fyikFVuSRG_Wik9aSdulVjDSu8wzGDSLkNhGQCnKWGH-N7bjRywV_3uf9SgnXgYTCMxNn6aewqrjJX1W6I0ifwPU/s320/P4110255.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From my nephew Caeleb, 4yrs old</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwB3zaHYuimjY2bIZvpYFB-18PUc4v-f9H2RZnpkLqq-F1XXhxaLoKGfCdHg6z-8WX9KMQ_DzUHiwLCfkpV9kpsc8frfppDBQiRfG2kiGDAAr644UnKk0079HCimqSdqNmHokMjYtjiI/s1600/P4110258.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwB3zaHYuimjY2bIZvpYFB-18PUc4v-f9H2RZnpkLqq-F1XXhxaLoKGfCdHg6z-8WX9KMQ_DzUHiwLCfkpV9kpsc8frfppDBQiRfG2kiGDAAr644UnKk0079HCimqSdqNmHokMjYtjiI/s320/P4110258.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From my niece Kathryn, 11 yrs old</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggRF4uW0r8QjdFruhDd_WX2Hg8kwBr0SQSht0NKWUEIuCSSHFjDtJJ_GvRJMDQKGSMUwEnML2-iSiQGQhVyiGzqfbNU8wYTAd29cIv17YO8ycPYzGlFILlXjU7dQ_ivj5FOaOIlX75nN8/s1600/P4110259.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggRF4uW0r8QjdFruhDd_WX2Hg8kwBr0SQSht0NKWUEIuCSSHFjDtJJ_GvRJMDQKGSMUwEnML2-iSiQGQhVyiGzqfbNU8wYTAd29cIv17YO8ycPYzGlFILlXjU7dQ_ivj5FOaOIlX75nN8/s320/P4110259.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From my nephew Ethan, 9yrs old<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aIcCUWHn2q-H64Ri38GBFbbJR7T73HAPoP6CnJJfwLr8s5tcw8sNo6c8TJwc3qmo-tA9qhtf4O_JZl5Uf8u7bxZqAqxOLtxVIRaftouQ5IHC9k-jCcJAH6rAlyPG90DGRkaLCFBYOB8/s1600/P4110260.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aIcCUWHn2q-H64Ri38GBFbbJR7T73HAPoP6CnJJfwLr8s5tcw8sNo6c8TJwc3qmo-tA9qhtf4O_JZl5Uf8u7bxZqAqxOLtxVIRaftouQ5IHC9k-jCcJAH6rAlyPG90DGRkaLCFBYOB8/s320/P4110260.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From my nephew Logan, 10 yrs old</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today Nathan, my cousin, came by to visit and he he said some things that were helpful. I was trying to explain how it has been helpful to have people praying for me. Years ago while a missionary in the Philippines he contracted malaria. Like me he felt the prayers of those praying for him and said that even though it was him with malaria it felt like almost he was watching himself having malaria as opposed to experiencing it. (Nathan did I regurgitate that okay?) That's how I feel too, well most of the time. Like him I also feel bad for those that are affected by my illness, much more than for myself.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a helpful way it's healthy to hear others war stories, no one gets through life unscathed. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">I'm not the first nor the last to get cancer. </span> As Bono sings "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">It's not a hill, it's a mountain </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">/ As you start out the climb / </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Listen for me, I'll be shouting / </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">We're gonna make it all the way to the light"</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/4q_AHAMVQ9c/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4q_AHAMVQ9c&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4q_AHAMVQ9c&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear</i> </span></div></div><div><br />
</div>Rubanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11001611475487689474noreply@blogger.com12