Saturday, April 9, 2011

Opposite Ruban

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The week has been interesting, not so much the couch potato-ing aspect, but in the whole thinking department. Though I don't entertain "wo is me" or "why me?" those thoughts do pop up, something needs to replace those pests. Usually I will "sing" or hum something, play Scrabble online, see what Myrtle is up to or watch something funny. However recently I have graduated from distraction techniques to asking things "Like what can I learn from this?" or "What can I do?"

Some of my in-laws came today (8 of them) and my mother-in-law asked me about the changes I am making in my diet. So upon mentioning what I am skipping or increasing in my diet I was sure to say that it doesn't bother me what others eat in front of me. I continued to say that I have a goal to live and no food will stand in my way. She responded "You have a higher purpose."
Some of my in-laws before going to the park.

That really struck a chord within, I do have a higher purpose now then what I had last April. It's not like  I needed to change my diet for bikini season, but my focus on why and what to eat has taken a course correction.

Everyone went to the park and I'm sitting here thinking about my higher purpose instead of my plan to play Scrabble online.

I met and married Faith at 30 years old. Prior to meeting her I felt like I spent half my life failing at relationships. So the night before marrying Faith I remember praying something like "Help me to not screw up and I'll be the best husband ever." But time goes on and I forget and then realize later "Oh wait, didn't I pray about my marriage, I don't think I'm being the best husband."

Then when Myrtle entered this world I was stunned by what beautiful moment and spiritual impact that had on me. Equally to that I realized how much I knew about raising a baby girl into a well adjusted woman, nothing at all. I soon prayed something like "Help me to not screw up and I'll be the best father ever. I'll never do XYZ again."

Of course successful family life isn't just accomplished by prayers and wishing. I've said many apologies, bit my tongue, sought spiritual and secular counsel and followed my gut.

My bargaining skills came back again with the discovery of a malignant tumor the size of a kiwi growing on my hip. Bargaining though I realized for me is the "Wo is me" mindset. I began to see a correlation to asking "Why me?" as a selfish view point.

I'm not obsessing the cancer topic, but it is a topic. Of course I don't know why me, but why not me? These sort of things seem to happen to someone else, well I guess I get to be your "someone else".

Now everything I do all of sudden has life or death consequences, coupled with a rippling effect on the legacy I leave my family. All of a sudden marriage and fatherhood is less about me trying to be the best me, rather my focus is much more on what's just best for my family.

Somethings I've being doing was right, somethings were just the opposite.
Though I no longer bargain with God, He hears me several times a day about what I want and I just trust He knows me well enough to give me what I need.

All I can do is eat the best I can, get the most exercise I can, love my family and friends the best I know how. What I read or watch on TV is adventurous, educational, funny and uplifting. Music sure lifts and soothes as well.

My mother-in-law couldn't have been more right, I do have a higher purpose. And I'm glad I do.

My in-laws are back from the park, maybe I should socialize with them instead of blogging about them.

(...and I'll proof read later)


  1. Seinfeld rings many true cords in life, does it not? One of my fave scenes there. Sounds like you had a nice visit with the in laws :)

    As per your thoughts regarding the "rippling effect" of our choices

  2. It was really, really good to see you and Faith and Myrtle. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. Often when we are at the dinner table when I want to talk with the children I'll say something like " I wonder what Faith and Ruban are having for dinner?" It's nice to imagine us under the same moon looking at it from a different place, doing something similiar it helps me to feel connected and close, even when we are far apart. Love you all very, very the moon and back Love Janice