Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Dear Myrtle,

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“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” ~ Washington Irving

Dear Myrtle,

Last week Grandma Rebalkin asked me how I was coping with my cancer, I replied "It's been about week since I cried so I must be doing better." You might know by now that I cry easily, in my defense I am the baby of my family. But then again I also thought watching your birth was beautiful - it was.

This past Sunday you and momma were at church while I stayed home. I wanted to be there with you, watching you smile at everyone, I especially love how you're mesmerized by the singing and that you "sing" along too.  Since it's a joy to share with you things that bring me joy, I would take you to my Sunday school class. Going to church doesn't make us better than anyone, but going has made me a better person and maybe one day you too will feel that.

Tonight after momma went to bed you woke up crying. I went into your room and you stopped once I picked you up. Myrtle, when you cry I know your needs are not being met, or you think your needs are not being met, or you're just not getting what you want. You don't cry a lot and you are very, very happy most of the time.

Myrtle, I too cry when I don't get what I want or what I think I need. Just so you know you can always cry with me. But if I'm not there, you can pray for comfort and know your daddy loves you.

You play so well with older children that I have said to mommy that "It's too bad Myrtle doesn't have older siblings." You would be such a great big sister too, you already smile at and hug other babies, you're full of love.  People ask me and momma how many children we want and the truth is there is no number. You're perfect, I'm thrilled to be your daddy and I would also LOVE for you to have sisters and brothers too.

Myrtle sweetie, I'm sick, so your daddy's doctor said for me to get better I would need radiation. Since the radiation will be on my hip it might stop you from having any brothers or sisters. I thought about this while you were at church with momma. Being home alone I felt very alone and I cried, really cried "like a baby."

Even though you fight bed time and diaper changes, after it's done you know that you're still loved. Myrtle it's because you're loved it's done. I trust in my Father in Heaven, like how you trust me. My cancer is tough on the family but when it's done, maybe years or several decades later, we will know why it happened and we'll be better for it.

Trust that your Father in Heaven knows what He is doing and that your daddy here is doing his best with what he knows.

Myrtle you are loved, wanted, prayed for and you can wake me up any time.

With love,


March 19th 2011, Goldstream Park


  1. ohh you made me cry you.
    I love you guys.
    I hope we can be the parents you are.

  2. What a beautiful letter to your daughter. Thinking of you and your lovely family

  3. Ruban that is the most beautiful letter to Myrtle. She is so blessed to have you as her father, and for you to love her as much as you do. Your letter to Myrtle is the most precious gift, I know that she will cherish it in the days to come.

    Thank you for being such a great example to me and to our beautiful little daughter. Thank you for giving our family the most wonderful gift...Myrtle. I love you as does Myrtle. You are in my thoughts and with this journey we have already had one blessing, and that it has brought us closer together as a family and as a

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you are a blessing in my life.

  4. Ruban....that was beautiful! You are such a good dad. I love how you love her. When I told Dawson that you had cancer (he is at the MTC learning Korean) he said.....I am going to learn how to say a prayer for him in Korean. You are prayed for and loved!!!

  5. Wonderful letter that Myrtle will cherish for her life.

  6. Beautiful letter Ruban. I hope you are able to beat this. You can still have children - just freeze your boys for a later date. :) Good luck!!

  7. Ruban I know that even though we have not seen each other in a very long time...please take some comfort that my prayers are with you and your family at this time, and I know that Our Heavenly Father will provide us with what we need to survive, I learned many years ago that it may not always be what we want...but I know HE has kept me going in my very dire times of need and my faith in Our Heavenly Father and Jesus has never faltered.

    I do know that He will help guide you thru this and also be there for your family as well.

    lots of hugs and prayers

  8. Love, Loved, Loved this Ruban! She will totally appreciate this later on (you know when she can read) It's hard sometimes to write down how we feel about our children because are love is so big. You did a fantastic job. Thanks for sharing!

  9. What a wonderful man you have grown to be! I remember you when you were just a little guy... and then later as a teen. You always were a fun, smart, charming kid with a good heart.
    Heavenly Father must have a lot of faith in your ability to stretch and grow spiritually and emotionally. Otherwise he wouldn't have given you this challenge. I hope you are able to find joy in this journey, my friend; you've certainly found your sense of humour! Kudos to you.

  10. That is beautiful to share I hope you save letters for her on real paper in case this stuff ever crashes or you don't have the internet and when your baby girl gets bigger she will have that letter to hang on to and she will be able to cry her tears about how much her daddy loves her and the special relationship you share.

  11. Ruban, I love how you described what she is like as a baby in this letter! You are such a good writer!!!
    You are in our thoughts and prayers
    Love Hilary, Johnny and Isaac( potential husband for Myrtle)

  12. Ooooh dear I should have known not to read this blog without waterproof mascara! I haven't seen you for ages and before even reading this sweet letter to Myrtle, I already knew you were over the moon with fatherhood and sweet Myrtle just from reading you Facebook status updates since she was born. My heart aches for you and Faith. You remain in the prayers of my little family.