Bone Marrow Biopsy Test Results!

At 8:47am this morning Dr. MacPherson, the drug therapy oncologist I met with last week called to give me the results of my bone marrow biopsy. I quickly put him on speaker phone and called Faith over and we listened as he told us that there was no sign of multiple myeloma, only plasmacytoma.

A little refresher course is that I was told I had at least plasmacytoma (blood cancer with one tumor), plasmacytoma untreated becomes multiple myeloma. A bone marrow biopsy confirms where the cancer is at whether it's only plasmacytoma or multiple myeloma. There is no cure for multiple myeloma, just treatment till one dies. Plasmacytoma on the other hand can be cured, which is GREAT news for my little family!

What treatment I'll get and how long it will take - all those details will emerge over the next week. The results of my 24 hour urine sample and blood sample have yet to come in, when it does it won't change the diagnosis; it's my understanding that it will show what stage the plasmacytoma is at (or something along those lines).

I have a million thoughts and feelings racing through my head. In the last 40 minutes I have laughed and cried. Thank you so very much for all the prayers, care, support - it has made a world of difference.

The 9th Caller!

Whenever I wake to Myrtle crying and her momma is up with her, I swear she's saying "Daaa Daaaaa waaa waaake up!" That is how today started. Faith said Myrtle was crying because she slipped in the tub, but I knew better - it was time for Dadda to wake up. 

Before leaving I made sure I had everything for our trip and Faith made sure Myrtle had everything to hold the fort down as we left her behind with her Great Grandma Hazel, Aunties Joan, Lois and Ennyd. It was hard to leave Myrtle behind as she brings me so much joy, but today's errand was different and it was best she stayed back. Besides, Myrtle was in very good capable loving hands. 

First order of business was dropping off 24 hours of "business" at the lab. Walking from the fridge to the living room with a container holding 24 hours of my urine with three aunts and my grandma near by was personally awkward. I don't know if any noticed and doubt any would care; still odd though. Today I was the first moment I was glad to be on crutches, as it meant Faith carried my day's supply to the lab for me.

After the lab deposit, we went to Victoria General Hospital to have my skeletal survey (head to toe x-ray) done. The head medical imaging technicians's name was Ruby and our name similarities was the only highlight of my 20 minute x-ray. 

Faith waiting outside the x-ray room.

Our last and most important stop was at the Royal Jubilee Hospital. The help desk directed us to the wrong end of the hospital and the wrong floor. We then learned where to go and quickly made our way to the 5th floor and were whisked away by someone wearing a smock. "Bone marrow biopsy? This way" he said without even asking who we were. Part of me wasn't even sure if he was a hospital worker (how hard is it to get a smock in a hospital?), but soon it was established that he was legit and we were where we needed to be.

The doctor came in and she was very pleasant like our nurse. Upon being asked if I knew why I was getting the bone marrow biopsy I replied with "I won a radio contest, I was the ninth caller." That broke any ice and it was a friendly atmosphere with lots of joking from all four of us. 

Laying on my side in a fetal like position I was prepped for the biopsy. A pinkish solution was applied then freezing needles were poked in. The freezing fluid had a bee-sting type of sensation. Soon my back right upper hip was frozen and the biopsy procedure begun.

Faith had asked if she could take pictures. Soon after it begun I hear "Faith, Faith, Faith" and saw Faith in the corner of my eye as she fell forward on the the hospital bed fainting. I tried not to laugh, but she was safe and well, it was funny.  Faith sat down and the nurse took over her photographer duties.

This photo was taken by Faith

This was taken by the nurse.

If you grab your bottom teeth and aggressively move your jaw back and forth that is a little of what my hip felt like as the biopsy needle worked its way into my hip bone. Then the marrow was sucked out. After it was done they asked me to describe how it felt. One patient, they said, answered by saying "it felt just wrong." It certainly did hurt and is quite tender now. I had no answer for them then, but hours later and napping on their question I would say it was very disagreeable. 

All done.

To the right is my bone marrow and the right is a core sample of my hip bone.

My bone marrow. 

All the red is yours truly's bone marrow.

While laying on the bed recouping, different nurses came in to take some blood samples and before I knew it we were home in 3.5 hours. Walking up the stairs and seeing Myrtle content on my aunts lap was fantastic. Soon after, I was napping and now I'm blogging. So you are about as caught up as one could be.

At least five viles of blood taken here. 

The doctor said that the bone marrow of multiple myeloma tends to be cloudy and mine wasn't, so that could be a sign I have plasmacytoma. They will know the results for sure in about two days and I'll know within ten days. 

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

When I was around twelve years old and maybe a little older then I'd like to admit, one of the '80's glam hair bands I listened to was Poison. Like most everyone else, I grew up and stopped listening to them. Then there was some news in 2010 that their lead singer Brett Michaels had a brain hemmorage. Out of nowhere some of Poison's old songs popped in my head and I found myself reminiscing their hits on YouTube.  Like magic his fans and the media shone the spotlight on him once more. 

I have no idea whether Brett Michaels is back in good health and that's where I feel I can relate. My road to recovery looks to be long, perhaps the toughest days are ahead. I wonder who will care when Myrtle and Faith need support the most and 'Ruban having cancer' is old news. That's not to say people don't truly care now (they do) and won't later (they will). Plus it might be unfair to compare my families life to an '80's glam hair band. I'm hopeful that unlike Poison, our little band's best days are ahead of us.    

Actually the outpouring of love has been overwhelming. I'm stunned and speechless to who has reached out and how. Thank you for all the email and snail-mail. 

It's humbling to be in this position. Any distance walked longer than our home I need to use crutches. Anywhere I drive I need someone driving me. My ten month old girl is beginning to move faster then me. Sitting down on a regular chair is best kept under 30 minutes. I could go on, but suffice it to say it has been an adjustment physically and emotionally since my oncologist said "There's no point to go back to work."

Being home the vast majority of the time must be a peek into what it's like living in a seniors home. Like them I spend most of the time in a recliner, read the news, scoff at idiot politicians, and I wait for people to come visit and try to talk them into staying longer (mental note: must buy more Werther's Original Hard Candy). Fortunately, as of now Myrtle is the only one in a diaper here. 

Recently I read a story worth sharing:

There once was a man whose lifelong dream was to board a cruise ship and sail the Mediterranean Sea. He dreamed of walking the streets of Rome, Athens, and Istanbul. He saved every penny until he had enough for his passage. Since money was tight, he brought an extra suitcase filled with cans of beans, boxes of crackers, and bags of powdered lemonade, and that is what he lived on every day.

He would have loved to take part in the many activities offered on the ship—working out in the gym, playing miniature golf, and swimming in the pool. He envied those who went to movies, shows, and cultural presentations. And, oh, how he yearned for only a taste of the amazing food he saw on the ship—every meal appeared to be a feast! But the man wanted to spend so very little money that he didn’t participate in any of these. He was able to see the cities he had longed to visit, but for the most part of the journey, he stayed in his cabin and ate only his humble food.

On the last day of the cruise, a crew member asked him which of the farewell parties he would be attending. It was then that the man learned that not only the farewell party but almost everything on board the cruise ship—the food, the entertainment, all the activities—had been included in the price of his ticket. Too late the man realized that he had been living far beneath his privileges.

Of course I'm on a different journey of sorts, and it's much too early to have a farewell party. Recently I have focused too much on what I can't do thus ignoring what I can do.  Before the tumor I planted on my window sill several seeds to be transfered when they were big enough and the weather was favorable. Thinking about how that man missed out his journey of a lifetime I decided to transfer those plants from pot to soil. Faith brought Myrtle outside and we mucked in the soil. The girls soon went inside to eat dinner and get ready for bed, but I kept on.  

Canada has lax child labour laws.

As cars passed by me I could hear them say (in my head) "Isn't that the guy on crutches with cancer? He should be resting." My reply back was "I am that guy, I'm not dead and mind your own business!" When done I surrendered to a long hot shower and decided to no longer live beneath my privileges. 

Diary of a Couch Potato

It's been a week since I last wrote for two or three reasons:

1) I was told I would get a call regarding when my next doctor appointment and biopsy would be and that didn't happen until today (it only happened because I called them repeatedly since Monday).

2) My life has been turned up side down and felt a need to reflect.

3) A healthy mix of procrastination and being dumbfounded.

Late last week I began to get stir crazy. If these are my final days I don't want to be living them out on a couch.  But I don't think these are my last days, so I figured I better get off this couch and live. Sunday feeling motivated to live life and pursue my interests I decided that on Monday I'd rejoin Toastmasters (something I love). Then hours later it dawned on me that "Wait I can't sit in a chair for two hours. Plus sitting an extra combined hour to drive there and back ...and I'm not really up for driving anymore." True, I knew all of that before making the plans, but somehow though it didn't register. It has now sunk in that my approach to life can no longer be same and this new chapter is a major adjustment.

Realizing and admitting what I can't do isn't being negative, it's just the reality. However another reality is there are many things I can do and pursue. Also, I can approach some things I used to enjoy differently, such as: read scriptures when I'm missing church; study to further my career/education; socialize and catch up with family and friends via Facebook and something called a telephone.

Additionally I appreciate the time I have at home, for example not many father's get this much time with their child(ren).  There might be some babies as sweet as, but none are sweeter than Myrtle. I'm one lucky daddy.

Becoming conscious of how to modify my family and mines life hasn't been instantaneous, but a rather deliberate and laborious process that is still in progress. Having optimism doesn't mean that I haven't cried myself to sleep or that this is mentally and physically easy. It has allowed me to move forward any time I've felt sorry for myself and allows me to reject anyone else's (well intentioned and placed) feeling sorry for me. "Wo is me" is a slippery slope and if I go there it will bring me and my family down.

Last Friday was emotionally rough. The past month has been a perpetual state of limbo and I hadn't heard from a doctor since being diagnosed. Faith and Myrtle went out to the market and before I knew it was in tears feeling very alone and tired of feeling needy but still needing to know I matter.  I prayed my heart out that someone would reach out to me. In 3 minutes I got a very nice email from my Aunt Lynn. Some might chalk that up as a coincidence, I knew better though, as it provided the comfort I was seeking.

I know I should have known better than to feel so alone. I have had a tremendous out pouring of love, emails, phone calls, notes and even today I received a hand written letter from my Aunt Ennyd and a card from my Grandma.

Myrtle reading Grandma's card.

Ladies from my church have been bringing meals by each day. It's so nice to have one less thing to worry about and to know that someone would care enough to give of their time and resources. My cousin Tiffany decided to show her love and support by doing an auction to raise awareness and funds for me and her friend who is also going through cancer. Please read more about it here.

Many prayers have been answered recently. It might be because I've been praying more, or others are praying more or maybe now I'm just paying attention. Whatever the reason I'm thankful. Somehow bills are being paid, gas is in the tank, food is in the cupboards, fridge and freezer.

Of course my long term health is the most important and what about those prayers? Like anything else that one prayers for, I'm doing all that I can do.  I am eating healthy and move around as much as I can to the point I worry Faith and my mom (that's when you know you're doing something right, haha).

Today I found out the my next doctor's appointments are on April 27th with a radiation and drug therapy oncologist. The oncologist in Vancouver who said I have either plasmacytoma or mutliple myeloma told me that I would be getting another biopsy to determine that still hasn't happened. However I will be giving another blood test and a 24 hour urine sample prior the appointments on the 27th.

So just 21 more days of hurry up and wait. Fortunately in addition of having Myrtle to entertain me and my order of books from Amazon.com and ones people lent and given ought to last me the year.

As I write my niece Kathryn is coming to stay for the week to help around the home and care for Myrtle.  How sweet is it that an 11 year old would offer such a selfless thing. The only this I have really asked for is for prayers and somehow our family has got all that we need, so keep it up!

March Madness Indeed

March has been a memorable month for our family. Finding out there's a large tumor inside of me that might be cancerous and then waiting 26 days to find out that it is cancerous was a real challenge. Now we're waiting for more tests and biopsies to determine whether it is plasmacytoma or multiple myeloma (both blood cancers).

It was strange to hear Faith pray tonight that I would have plasmacytoma. Multiple myeloma from what I gather is less fun between the two cancers. I've concluded earlier in the month that it's easier being the family member in need than it is for everyone else. Hearing that prayer, talking to my brothers (Andrew included) and my parents only solidified that conclusion. I'm so grateful that Myrtle is in baby bliss, unaware of it all.

Quickly I've learned that my high school biology classes 16 years ago haven't helped me understand anything about what is going on. The only thing plasma I knew of are in TV's and Star Trek episodes. Plasmacytoma? Even my spell check doesn't recognize it. Grasping that my blood is cancerous ...unfathomable. Currently I'm about as ignorant as one can be on plasmacytoma and its implications.

If I knew all of life's outcome I would have no faith, learn nothing or gain wisdom. I'm not quite yet grateful for having plasmacytoma, however I'm grateful, really grateful, for the focus I have on life and I that I get to find out what I am made of.

Some that know me, know my affinity for ice cream and my love for jalapeno chips. Those two vices got me through fifteen years of break-ups and disappointments. When I got THE CALL I knew there was not a chip bag or a tub of ice cream big enough that would bring real comfort or provide any solution.

Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food. 

~Hippocrates

Something had to change. Tuesday I met with a competent nutritionist and learned of a few tweaks and adjustments to help me be in optimal health for this new chapter in my life. Far as I'm concerned my road to recovery has begun.

Another important moment happened Tuesday. I walked in my bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and spontaneously said loudly "Ruban you are going to beat this!" After that I felt like I just did, the doctors just don't know it yet. The rest of the day it felt like I was carrying a secret bagging to be told, so I went to my Facebook profile and broadcasted how I now felt. It was so liberating to click on the "Share" button that I let out a very loud whoop accompanied with the classic fist pump. Poor Myrtle was so startled by it she almost cried. Faith ran into the room to see what was wrong. 

Have you ever ran or exercised until you hit that mental wall, thinking in near tears that you'll die if you keep going? Mentally that is how I feel (but with full blown tears), except the difference is that I will die if I don't keep going. 

Today someone thoughtfully dropped off a gift that now graces our living room and I want to share with you too.

Thank you E.H.!

Really, truly, with all my heart thank you for all the well wishes, good vibes and prayers! Smiles, hugs, handshakes are most welcome, but please just save the sorry's and sad faces for the cancer and not me. Capiche?

Are You There God? It's Me, Ruban.

We've been staying at my brothers home for eight days now, a few more days than we thought we would. I've been asked to stay off my hip completely which equals bed rest.  Day one I watched lots of TV, but by 2:30pm I had enough of Oprah and her Dr.'s. Plus, soon after my niece and nephew came home from school, they are more entertaining anyways.

One out of the three isn't hamming it up.

Through out the week I dabbled watching a little more TV. I tried reading things called books, but my attention span seems to be as long the throbs of dull pain in my hip. Every throb reminds me why I'm lying down on a foam mattress in my brothers living room. 


Right now the house is quiet as the family is at church, Faith is upstairs getting ready for the day and Myrtle's napping beside me. Now as I feel that dull pain throbbing in my hip I can't help but wonder about her future and literally what will tomorrow bring when I get the biopsy results.

Hopefully Myrtle is the only that sleeps through this blog.

To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Prior to THE CALL I have been more or less the praying type. Since THE CALL my prayers have increased and intensified somewhat. I certainly have had a moment or two of "Why me?" That attitude though interfere's with having faith and really living life. 


Prayer is something I have given much thought of lately. Mainly because I have never quite grasped how and why it works, just that it does. Considering the variety of responses to my request to pray for me, it sounds like I am not that only one who doesn't understand.

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you. ~ Saint Augustine  Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo from 396 A.D. to 430 A.D.  I was reading a book review for Promptings or Me? Recognizing the Spirit's Voice, by Kevin Hinckley. And I thought to myself "Looks like an interesting read. I wonder what the author's thoughts are on the how and why prayer works." So I emailed him and he graciously replied: If Aunt Tillie needs a dose of divine intervention and I, in my nightly prayer, forget to mention her because I had too many other things on my ‘prayer list’, does she go without? Would a loving Heavenly Father withhold blessings He intended for Tillie, simply because I missed her in my prayer? Again, what do we hope to accomplish in our conversations with our Creator? The Children of Israel stood with the Red Sea before them and charging Egyptian army behind. Had they simply been content to a 1) narrow down my decision to two choices, 2) choose one, 3) look for burning or stupor, and then 4) follow, they wouldn’t have made it. Their two choices probably wouldn’t have included “ask the Lord to part the Red Sea!” More likely, it would have been: We narrowed our choices down to going North or going South. We decided on North. Can you confirm this? Imagine Israel’s frustration when they couldn’t get an answer either way: no stupor, no confirmation, no answer at all! Doesn’t He care? They’d wonder. Can’t He see we’re in trouble here? The truth, obviously, would be that the Lord had a completely different plan in mind. His plan included options the Children of Israel could not even conceive of. So, in looking at our own prayers, are you more interested in your solutions or His? Do you really want to be limited by your mortal, myopic solutions to your problems or would you be more blessed by learning his panoramic perspective? In short, why do we pray? To learn what it is He wants us to do.  We pray to be filled by the empowerment that comes from divine communication.  We pray to learn His will, not to tell Him what He needs to do for someone or something. This might include “what would you have me do for Aunt Tillie? Heavenly Father, you love Aunt Tillie. She’s your daughter and I know you will bless her according to her needs. How can I help? Is there something I can do for her?” I feel comfortable praying for the tumor to be benign and for a swift recovery that I may provide for my family. Additionally I pray for support that I can handle this well.  Praying is seemingly an intangible thing. There's been plenty of times I have not wanted to pray, or questioned if there was anyone to pray to. But I've been fortunate enough to have recognized answered prayers and this makes the intangible tangible.  For example I know myself better than anyone, so I know that the burden of the implications of the tumor for me are heavy. Prayer answered: that burden has been lifted. My earning power this month was taken down a few notches. Prayer answered: my brother's business partner had a 50/50 draw at a bar he spins vinyl at to help out with our travel expenses. Someone at the Workers Compensations Board noticed that I was underpaid and sent me the difference.  I can't play with Myrtle as I used to or help Faith around the house. Prayer answered: my dad comes by and cleans our house scrubs the shower and picks up groceries. Here at my brother Jason's, he and Colleen and their kids play all day long with Myrtle. Of course there's a hip tumor the size of a kiwi weakening the bone. Prayer answered: I have one the best doctors in the whole world working with a team on my recovery plan. I've had a few sad moments, but somehow felt comforted. Prayer might not make me invincible, but it sure has calmed my troubles, kept me focused on the positive and open to miracles.

I'm a Radioactive Ghost. Super power(s) TBD.

It just doesn't feel real, it's as if I'm going to someone else's appointments. But yet I know all to well it's me whom those appointments are for. 

Over the past week a line from a Springsteen song rolls around in my head. 

Now all them things that seemed so important

Well mister they vanished right into the air

Before THE CALL I thought I truly couldn't care any less about reality television and celebrity gossip. However, as it turns I could and do care infinity less. So with things that do matter, like conversations (aka difference of opinions) with Faith about this and that were so important are now incredibly trivial. Really having / being a happy and healthy family trumps all. 

This morning my oncologist's office called for me to get more blood work today, before my injection for the bone scan. To get there in time Myrtle was woken up (happy) from her nap and off to the clinic we went.

With time to spare we arrived at the Royal Jubilee Hospital for the bone scan injection. I was informed that after my injection I could not cuddle, hold or kiss Myrtle for 24 hrs due to being radioactive.  First realizing I couldn't carry her around due to the crutches was deflating enough and then learning I can't hold her was and is beyond disappointing.  I'm her daddy, it felt like my life's biggest role was stolen. Even though it's "just" 24 hours, it's 24 hours too long to be on the sidelines.

Our little family was about 70+ years younger then the other patients in the waiting room. Myrtle easily provided the entertainment engaging the geriatrics with her smiles and walking with my crutches.

Myrtle entertaining the troops.

While Myrtle enthralled crowd I got a radioactive shot by a nice guy named Chris. Below is a video of that and if you turn up your speakers loud he does a great job explaining things.

After the injection we went for a drive to Cordova Bay for lunch at Café Yucatan. It was nice to have a change of scenery and see the friendly faces of Murray, Dave and Justin there. Our friend Shantel happened to pop in during her lunch break.

Café Yucatan's "Norm"

We came back the RJH for my bone scan. We arrived early and they took me in early too. The staff, not sure their titles, were excellent and gracious enough to take several photos for me.

Michael Jackson had one of these right? 

They taped up my feet to keep them still.

Tonight we had dinner at my folks. It was nice to not have to worry about a meal and since I can't play with Myrtle Grandpa and Grandma filled in. I felt like a ghost not getting in the mix and just watching. 

Tomorrow Myrtle is being smothered with hugs and kisses. 

World Spins Madly On

UPDATE: My biopsy in Vancouver is Monday, March 21st. 


The very last thing I want to be asked or think about is my tumor. However, the only thing I seem to think of or want to talk about is my tumor.  Saying "my tumor" is odd. Why do I own a tumor? I don't need or want it.  Maybe referring to it as "it" and "the tumor" is more apropos.


It's been a week now and I feel like it has taken over my life in large and subtle ways.  Hard to make plans when I don't what's going on, where it's going on or for how long.


I'm not sure if it's hereditary, but my dad at times can have the symptoms of a hypochondriac. Now those hypochondriac tendencies seem to creep up on me here and there now with my left leg.


As I write Myrtle is under my legs, crawling around and trying to reach and grab anything, just going after all she wants. I admire her, that focus and determination to just go for it and be in the moment. She has fallen down, banged her head, slipped in the tub, suffered scrapes and bruises but she soldiers on with a smile. I love that girl.


Why do bad things happen? I don't quite know why this has happened.


Like most people at one time years ago, I was heartbroken.  I thought it was the worst day of my life, well, it was. After Myrtle was born I realized the worst day of my life was actually the best day as it lead me down a path to Myrtle.


Perhaps there's something for me to learn from "it", something for my family and friends.


While writing this I received an email from a friend informing me that our friend Jean-Marie Belliveau passed away due to injuries sustained from a car accident yesterday. Jean was a friendly, happy husband, father and a cancer survivor.  My thoughts and prayers are with his family.


I pray for the best, that the tumor is benign and that my treatment will be swift and effective that I may live a long life and reach my potential as a father and share with Myrtle how she inspired me, her daddy.

only looks posed, Myrtle likes hanging out with me ...really

Addendum: I just came back from Tim Horton's having a hot chocolate with my friend Mark. There were other meeting of the minds there: a group of retirees in motorcycle gear (I think they might've been a part the notorious Grey Panther Gang, infamous for pirating Matlock series on VHS); and 3 hopefuls for Jersey Shore: WestShore. Anyways, Mark and I discussed life much like I'm sure Socrates had with Plato. Our conclusion was humour and positivity is the only way to live.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Yesterday I was supposed to know when my biopsy date was to happen. Today has passed and I still don't know.  There's nothing quite like suspense, but I prefer it in an M. Knight Shyamalan flick.

I've thought a lot of what Neil Young has sung (or as some people suggest he just talks) and maybe "one of these days I'm going to sit down and write a long letter to all the good friends I've known." But for now I'll blog.

When I got my MRI last Tuesday they had run out of the hospital gown bottoms and robes. So it was just the top, an unfortunate site for all. Luckily today at VicGen it was the standard one size fits all muumuu inspired gown with straps. I think an actual muumuu would be easier for all involved, from the patient to the launderer. But it would put the model below out of work.

A polite, stern and informative sign in the change room.

So I put on the gown like I owned it, went to get my CT Scan in the next room and laid down on a gurney while a nurse put the IV catheter in my arm. 

The needle and the damage done.

I don't care much for hospital muumuu gowns, needles, IV's or laying on gurney's. However, I am grateful to get whatever treatment that is needed.

The view.

Plus, I figure I might as well have fun while there and chat it up with the staff and patients. In doing that today I learnt about fainting patients, cameras and the latest in hearing aids (btw, Costco has the best prices).

Leanne, my CT Scan technician/nurse, gave me an informative lesson on the Toshiba CT Scanner, it's a 2010 model that costs $2.6 million.  I really liked Leanne, she looked a lot like a young Mrs. Seinfeld (Jerry's TV mom) and that made everything she said that much more interesting and it was comforting to have a "familiar" face there with me.

One goes in feet first, like most things in life.

I don't know when I will find out the results of today, until then I might watch Signs or Unbreakable to relax.

"I'm glad that at least you don't have an unhip tumor -- that would be hard on your reputation." - Tanya, my cousin.

Laughter
It feels good that at least one person picked up on the pun in my blogs title.  Even better that it was family.


I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.  ~Woody Allen


Attempting humour has been something most of my family does. It's great to give a heavy situation some levity or give a dull day some chuckles.


Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.  ~Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts,"Saturday Night Live


All I think about is that the tumor the is the size of a kiwi.


Yesterday my nephew Kirtland (12 yrs old) was sitting beside me at church. Other then the hugs he gave me, nothing was said yet between us about my tumor. "So Kirtland the doctor said the tumor is size of a kiwi or a small orange. I have swallowed a few orange seeds...." Kirtland smiles and says "And you can't help but eat kiwi seeds..." We're both smiling now and I continue "Yeah, I'm thinking an actual kiwi must be growing there and it's probably just ripe by now." We had a good laugh.


My family had a pleasant lunch at my parents. After lunch they gave us a bag of kiwis, saying they bought too much.


This morning Faith made me a kiwi smoothie, seeds and all.


Crutches
Apparently my hip bone is a little weak and when I got THE CALL my doctor said I needed to use crutches while I am out and about to not fracture anything.  That means I can't carry Myrtle around and wow that was a blow. But I sure get a laugh at Myrtle as she watches me using the crutches. She looks at me as if to say "Daddy, what on earth are you doing?!!"


I do walk sans crutches around the house though. 


Good thoughts, Prayers, Fasting
What does that even mean? Does God pay more attention to me because of prayers? Do prayers work? All I can say is yes, some how my burden was lifted. 


I had a fantastic day yesterday and today I feel great. I felt, really felt support and love from my "brothers and sisters" at church, somehow I felt more like a son while having lunch at my parents. Afterwards we shared the evening and a tasty meal at Mori and Marnie's and felt at home. I was able to enjoy my self with family and friends without being preoccupied with "there's a tumor the size of kiwi on my hip". I felt comforted, relaxed, loved and at peace. 


Yes prayers worked and are working. I don't know why and how come, but they did and do.  I also had the best sleep since THE CALL, woke up feeling refreshed physically and mentally. Even found it funny starting the day with a kiwi smoothie.

Myrtle holding a kiwi while napping.

CT & Bone Scans Booked and Some Thoughts

On Tuesday I will have a CT Scan and Thursday I will be having a bone scan. Shortly after that I will have the biopsy.


The past 48 hours has been a roller coaster of tears and laughter. Lots of hugs and kind words shared.


Five years ago my life long friend Russel was diagnosed with cancer while his wife Jenn was expecting their first child.  I remember imagining what they might be thinking and feeling.  Never did I think that I would call Russ because I was in a similar situation.  I'm glad Russel answered his phone.  He shared a lot, had a good sense of humour and I was able to ask of his experience was. We had talked about it before, but maybe this was the first time I really listened. Thank you Russel.


So what am I thinking?


Everything!


Some things are not worth writing and you can guess easily.


However, I do feel very optimistic. Wednesday night I cried quite a bit. Thursday quite a bit less. Today no tears have dropped.


I don't know really how or why prayers work, but I have felt prayed for, felt comforted.


Moments after the THE CALL on Wednesday I felt extreme sorrow for every person I had ever crossed, anything I've done or said that wasn't right. Not quite a death bed repentance moment, but you can sure bet I said a prayer and made a few long deserving phone calls.


Actually, I have had a lot of good conversations lately (phone, email, text, bbm, Fb, face to face). I can almost understand why people have faked having cancer, knowing family and friends care is a good feeling.  My brother posted this blogs link on his Fb with this comment "my brothers quest for more attention...follow his journey and give him the attention he craves!"  The reason the conversations have been good is mainly because I love and care for those that have reached out.  Having family that are friends and friends that are like family is encouraging and fuels my optimism.


I hope the the tumor is benign and that the purpose of this is blog is short lived.

Excerpts of an email to family - sent March 3rd 2011

I feel super fortunate to have family and friends that are interested in how I am doing.  When I first found out of my hip tumor I didn't want to broadcast it on Facebook.  However, I soon realized that the perhaps the best way to answer questions on how my health is via blogging.


Below is a from an email I sent off to family and friends yesterday:




Hello All,

Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers. My #1 concern is that I'm healthy so I am able to have fantastic relationship with Myrtle.

I'm okay with you and as much of the world that wishes to pray for me and my little family.  

The scoop thus far is if I recall it all correctly:

March 1st -  I had an MRI for my groin injury.

March 2nd -  Phone calls by my family doctor and the doctor who ordered the MRI. 

March 3rd -  9am had an appointment with Dr. and he went over the news with me:

- tumor on left hip inside, not on joint, size of a small orange or kiwi (5cm x 7cm x 8cm)

- in the next few days I would be getting CAT Scan(s) of my whole body and blood work

- in the next 10 days I will be getting a biopsy on the tumor in Vancouver

- The biopsy will determine exactly what the tumor is. 

- My Doctor about two weeks ago diagnosed a patient with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and clinically suspects that is what I have, a biopsy would give the final say.

- If the tumor is not benign then I would be getting chemo therapy to to reduce the size of the tumor before it is removed (surgery will be in Vancouver)

- All the above should take place between now and the next 6 - 8 months.

- This afternoon I had my blood work done

I'm okay with you and as much of the world that wishes to pray for me and my little family.  

Lots of love, 

Rube

The tumor is to the left of the black circle.

The tumor. It's kind of shaped like a birds head and beak.

My doctor said a good website to read about what's going on is here.